


Radiating Light

by callmesinpai (Aieem_Artemis)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Humanstuck, Multi, Murder, Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-31 20:25:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aieem_Artemis/pseuds/callmesinpai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know those stories where the main character spends the whole time realizing that he's actually in love with his best friend? Male best friend? Well this isn't one of them. I always kind of knew that I was in love with Karkat, but I can't really remember a time before Karkat. He's always been a main part of my life and the thought that I might lose him over trying to protect me is painful enough to kill me. And believe me I know a thing or two about killing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings are always hard

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my Sollux. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to show her some time. I doubt, but maybe she'll find it.
> 
> .///. But if she does I just want to say I love role-playing with you. You are the best Sollux, it's you. I'm sorry I make Karkat so tsundere. I know you think its cute but I feel like I'm the worst Kakat ever. You give me great ideas like this one.  
> <3Aya

You didn't ever think this would happen. This was never, ever on the list of things you thought would happen in your miserable excuse for a life. You feel like a total douchebag as you watch your best friend take a couple shaky steps away from you with wide candy apple red eyes. You feel more than that, honestly, but those are really complicated feelings that you're into much shock to go into right now. But more than all that you feel disgusted with yourself. You want nothing more than to follow after him as he turns and runs, but you can't. You have bigger problems right now. You don't even know where to start with them really.

==> Explain.

You would but you don't even know where to begin. You look down at your blood covered hands through the tears burning your eyes. You can't believe that you really just did that, but you’re more upset that you hurt the person you were trying to protect. You were so happy and --

==> Wait. Wait. Wait. You're giving away major plot points.

Sorry...

==> Do the introduction thing.

Your name is Sollux Captor, you live with your dads, but go and see your mom on almost every break. You're a 16 year high school student who's ape shit bananas hacker and a programmer. You pretty much have everything going for you in life once you got over your depression. That was until you fucked up. Your name is Sollux Captor and you just killed the man who tried to hurt your best friend.

You fall to your knees staring at your hands not sure what to do with yourself. You've never seen that look on his face, and you know for a fact that he's seen some bad shit.

You're in deep shit and you know it.

==> What will you do next?


	2. But it begins here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sollux hacks Karkat's computer because its time for their video chat and catches Karkat in an awkward position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somethings to note for the rest of the story that didn't seem important for the first chapter.
> 
> Spades Slick is Karkat's dad, and he's a high up mobster, they live in a huge manor. I decided not to give him another name because nothing sounded right. Karkat is albino.
> 
> Sollux's dad left his mom because he fell in love with another man. She moved back to Japan now Sollux spends his breaks with her. For this I decided to make Sollux blonde, his eyes are red and blue though.
> 
> I sound so stupid...

Spending time in my mom’s high rise Tokyo apartment is always boring. While I can speak and read Japanese perfectly, I don’t know anybody here so I just sit here unless mom asks me to do something for her or we go do something. All that aside, even though my mom has a rather large apartment everything else here is so crammed together that it just ends up making my anxious. So I don’t venture out alone often and even when I do it’s only to like the convenient store a few buildings over or the game store on the next block.

But that’s okay, mom shells out a pretty penny or the best wireless connection Japan has to offer; because she’s like me in that aspect; so there’s always internet, which is a lot bigger if you speak more than one language (I speak three). Even then there’s only so much you can do, unless you like Vocaloids, then you can amuse yourself for an endless amount of time.

But I don’t so that cuts a lot of things out. I’m just browsing around on my favorite forms looking for something to do, anything will suffice at this moment when I look down at the clock in the corner of my scree and realize that it’s getting close to video chat with Karkat. The time difference is a killer, one of us is almost always falling asleep on the other, or so wired that it makes it hard to concentrate – ie we’re both easily distracted – but we managed it mainly because I sat at home all day and he did… whatever he decided to do that day, or whatever he was told to do.

I wouldn’t admit it but it also helps with the home sick feeling. And as his best friend I actually really enjoy his snarky, unnecessary comments. They’re always fun. I sigh and check the time again it’s now getting close to one, which means he should have called me forty-five minutes ago.

\--twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] \--  
TA: hey kk  
TA: are you there?  
TA: ii know you are becau2e iit 2ay2 that you’re onliine.  
TA: kk, an2wer me  
TA: kk  
TA: kk  
TA: kk  
TA: kk  
TA: kk, you’re really not there are you?  
TA: fine, we’ll do thii2 the hard way.  
\--twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] \--  


He wasn’t answering me and it had me worried. Whenever it showed he was online, he was online, after leaving it on once and Terezi pulling some shit, he always signed out before he left the computer for that amount of time. But maybe he really wasn't there; maybe he was in the bathroom or getting something to eat but there was only one way I could be sure and that was to hack his computer. Not like that was hard, but it may take some times but...

Oh hey I got right in. Good job Karkat, leave your computer right open. Not even a challenge. You and I need to have a long discussion about this. I mean seriously I’m on the other side of the fucking world and it took me less than five minutes to get remote access to his computer.

His desktop is in a window on my screen; I don't stop to make fun of his desktop image, even though I really want to, and open up his webcam. Before the image even comes to life I hear soft gaspy moans. My body freezes and I feel instantly hot. Then the picture comes into focus and there he is spread out on his bed hand wrapped around his cock, stroking it slowly. I can't pull my eyes away; his moans getting louder with each movement of his hand.

I can only sit there and watch because I can see every little detail even in the semi dark of his room. Is this what he’s been doing the whole time? Is he really taking this long to get off? I want to laugh but my eyes are trained on his dick which in no way shape or form goes along with the rest of his small body. I really want to touch him but instead I’m touching myself and it feels so good and I haven’t even taken myself out of my pants yet. His moans echoing through my room at this point and they cover up my soft whimpers as I continue to rub myself. My pants are so tight and my pulse is thundering.

"Sollux, if you're going to watch porn at least do it with headphones on." my mom's voice floats through the door, I freeze unable to move and then panic hits me as I realize that I'm getting off watching my best friend masturbate. I shut the cam close the program, shoot him a quick message telling him I'm going for snacks and flee the apartment. It doesn’t don on me until later that I didn’t completely close out of the program. I’m so fucking stupid!

Oh god. How am I ever going to face him again?


	3. Unraveling Doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux and Karkat video chat awkwardly over Skype.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a note to Rin to see if she's actually been reading. Hehehe.
> 
> The chapters will start to get longer soon.

I take my time getting snacks, longer than I really needed too. I stop and look at every item so often that the girl at the counter asked if I needed help and I lied and said that my kanaji was bad so I’m having to take my time and really read it. She just smiles at me and goes on about her business. When I got back from the store and finally got back to my room it was close to three, but I had a feeling Karkat would still be on, even though it’s getting late for him. I sat down in my chair, took a deep breath, and waited for my laptop to come back to life.

CG: OKAY  
CG: DON’T TAKE TO LONG. I WANT TO TELL YOU TO NOT KEEP ME WAITING, BUT I GUESS THAT REALLY ISN’T FAIR SINCE I KEPT YOU WAITING FOR SO LONG.  
CG: YOU SHOULD BRING ME BACK SOME MELONBUNS.  
CG: DID YOU GET LOST?  
CG: WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG?  
CG: FUCK YOU SOLLUX, I’M BORED.  
CG: WHY’D YOU HAVE TO FORGET YOUR PHONE CHARGER?  
CG: I JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

I laugh slightly, but still feel the heat. I’m almost afraid to tell him I’m back because that means I have to face him. I don’t think I can handle that right now. I try and tell myself that it’s only Karkat, even if he knew he wouldn’t ever not talk to me again. But the other side of my mind reminds me that this is Karkat and he could be pissed as hell and trying to lure me into a false since of security and then tear me to shreds. It’s one of his favorite things to do to people, and ninety percent of people fall for it every time. I don’t want to hear whatever he may or may not have to say to me.

But my fingers move on their own accord.

TA: ii’m back.  
TA: and ye2 ii got you melonbun2  
TA: ii’ve bought 2o many that the giirl at the counter mu2t thiink ii liive off them.  
CG: THAN YOU’RE READY FOR OUR CHAT?  
TA: ye2 

My fingers didn’t even give me time to think about it and soon skype popped up and I answered his call. My heart stops when the screen goes black and my stomach drops but I don’t get the chance to think anything about it because the next thing I now his face is in the middle of my screen.

“Hey Sollux.” He’s leaning on his hands looking cute bored. My stomach flops around and my brain goes into overload, but my body responds before my brain can fuck up everything.

“Hey kk.” I grin widely at him, too much so. Then a giggle spills from my mouth and I know I’ve broken. If he didn’t know before he’s going to realize something’s up now.

He raises an eyebrow at me, “What’s so funny?”

I can’t help but keep giggling. “Something I saw earlier, it wasn’t even funny, but the more I think about it the more funny it gets.”

He flushes and ducks down slightly, he thinks I’m making fun of him. I’m horrified but I can’t help but giggle more. He just lets me knowing it’s my way of handling the awkward feeling that has settled between us. I feel awful I don’t want him to think that I’m making fun of him because I’m not. Oh god the look on his face is almost breaking my heart and it causes me to regain control of myself.

“So how much did you actually see?” I flush and duck down out of the camera view and start giggling again. “I suppose that answers that fucking question.” He sits there in silence while I giggle this goes on for a while until my mom opens the door and asks me what I’m laughing about. I once again regain control of myself and get a good look at him. The white fluff of his hair falling in front of his eyes, and my heart starts beating fast and I know then, I really know.

“So what did you get why you were out?” The lights are off in his room now and the glow of the screen makes him look deathly pale and tired, but that’s really nothing new.

“Melonbuns, over prices doritos, some weird soda that I’m not even sure I’ll like.”

“That’s not all you bought is it?”

I giggle again. “Yeah,but I must of bought you about a hundred.”

He lights up and my stomach flops around. “Really?”

“Eheheheh. You’re so much like a kid KK.”

“SHUT UP!”

“It’s cute.”

We both freeze and look at each other. He quickly looks down, probably at his hands twisting together in the pocket of his oversized hoodie. His tongue darts over his lips. “I broke up with Terezi.” He finally says when I’m about to ask him what’s wrong.

I’m actually shocked. “What? Why?”

“I’ll explain it more to you when you get back. But, we both decided that it was time to move on.”

I force a giggle. “kk, when did you get so grown up? Normally you’d be throwing a fit or something.” It wins me a growl and a verbal thrashing, but it helps me forget how curious I am. I want to grill him for answers, to know everything that happened, but I know he won’t tell me now. I don’t understand why I have to wait. It’s not like it’s really going to be any different with me sitting next to him than him sitting on the other side of a computer screen. I give him what he wants though, even though I know if I push just right he’ll spill, but if I push wrong I won’t get anything.

From the sounds of it one of them, if not both of them fell in love with somebody else.

Two more days until I go home.

It seems like forever from now.


	4. Unrelenting Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat buys Sollux an expensive late birthday gift, and all Sollux can do is accept it gracefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No excuses for why it's taken me so long to update.
> 
> I've just been lazy.

My mom once again tries to talk me into staying with her, but my mind is to consumed with Karkat to even pretend to think about it like I typically do. I don’t really feel bad either because it’s gotten to the point where she just needs to take no and get over it. There is nothing here in Japan for me, except her, and a better education. I snap at her, but don’t feel bad for that either. I get so tired of listening to it and I’m tired and about to be on a plane for a day.

She cried and I told her good bye and went through security, but the whole thing seemed fake. I wouldn’t doubt it if it all was, my mom liked to be mean and spiteful and though I hardly ever am on the receiving end of it she doesn’t like to be told what to do. Maybe I should just tell her why I want to go home, but then she’ll probably just throw a bigger fit.

The plane ride is log and miserable. I hate being in small confining space, especially ones with lots of people. I spent most of the time on my laptop and the rest of the time sleeping, but now we’re almost there and I’m starting to get restless. I wiggle around in my set getting dirty looks from the guys on either side of me, but I can’t help it, I’m bored. 

After what seems like forever after they announced that we’d be landing shortly the plane touches down and I book it – as fast as I can – out of there. It’s not hard for me to make my way through the crowd while looking for a familiar face. At five foot eleven I’m taller than most of the people around me. Karkat’s going to be the one waiting for me instead of one of my fathers; they have to work early in the morning so he volunteered to come get me; or so he told me but I’m not sure if I totally believe that story or not. He standing there leaning against a pole next to the baggage claim staring down at his phone intently like it was the most important thing in the world to him.

I hurry over to him, “Hey kk.” Fuck I sounded way too excited to see him, I need to take it back a notch or two… or maybe ten. I really did miss him though, a whole fucking lot. I would be lying if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my free time until school started back up with him, though I know I’ll have to spend some time with my dads since I’ve been gone for so long. They’ll pretty much let me get away with spending most of it with him though. They’re just cool like that.

He looks up at me, his red eyes surrounded by dark circles indicating that he probably hasn’t slept in some time. I wonder I he’s slept at all since I talked to him last? Probably not. He shoves his phone away and smiles at me but it doesn’t reach his eyes, he looks worried, tired, worn thin. “Hey Sollux.” Something’s wrong, but I can’t quite put my finger on what, and since for the most part he seems fine it has to be a family thing.

I smile, “Hey, kk. Business?”

“Kind of, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

I nod and wrap my arms around him and he tenses up. Karkat’s not one for public displays of affection. “I missed you.”

He pats my back awkwardly before pushing me away. “Yeah, yeah, now go get your bag so we can go. I don’t want to be here any fucking longer.” His eyes dart around before falling back on me.

I grin widely at him and his cheeks fill with color. He’s so cute sometimes. I do as he says and grab my brightly colored bag. It’s only this obnoxious because of how much I travel and lose my shit, so I replaced all the fabric on the outside with red and blue; I also put a mustardy yellow Gemini sign on the outside pocket. Nobody would even want to steal it just looking at it from the outside, but if they knew what was inside I’d probably never see it again.

“I’m hungry.” He rolls his eyes in a way that says ‘when are you not?’ “Can we stop and get something to eat on the way to your house.”

“I guess.” His phone goes off and all his attention is focused on the screen. He’s not paying any attention to me.

“Can I we play video games all night?”

“Yeah, sure.” He’s just going to agree with everything I say.

“Can I drive your car?”

“Mmmhmm.” Even if he normally wouldn’t.

“Can we have a gay pillow fight?”

“Mmmhm…” And I’m going to hold him to every word.

“Can I molest you?”

“Ye-- WAIT?WHAT?” Finally got what I wanted.

“Ehehehe, just seeing if you were pay attention, which obviously you weren’t. Now give me your keys I’m driving.”

“You don’t even know which car I’m driving.” He has three he gets them when his father’s done with them.

“You can still let me drive.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t, but you have to figure out which car is ‘mine’ first.”

I’m not really sure if I like how he says “mine” but I let that thought go as I let go of my suitcase handle and my hands go into his jean pockets. He gives me a scandalized look, but doesn’t stop me. I pull out his keys and hit the alarm button. I hear the chirping a little distance from me. I grab my suitcase dragging it behind me as I dash across the drive and into the parking lot locking and unlocking the car until I find it.

It’s not a car I’d ever picture him in but because of the colors not the car itself. Sitting in front of me is a Mustang GT soft top bright yellow with black stripes going down either side of the car. There’s a piece of paper in the seat with my name on it.

Sollux

Happy late fucking birthday.  
If you don’t accept this gracefully I’ll punch you in the junk.

Karkat

I stared wide eyed and gaping at the car. My parents weren’t well off, I never went without, don’t get me wrong, but they’d never be able to buy me this. This car probably cost more than all my computer systems combined. I can’t even fathom the amount of money spent on this, I’m completely blown away.

“My dad was paying me off for not telling my mom something, so for the best friend who always knows just what to get me and who I never get anything for, happy late birthday.”

Before I know that I’ve moved I’m kissing him straight on the mouth.

And he’s kissing me back.


	5. Giving up Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux has a nice short talk with Terezi and turns around and solicits Karkat for sex. Karkat doesn't decline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write out the porn, but it didn't flow with the rest so I cut it. There will be plenty of sex later.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] GC: SO 1 H34RD YOU K1SS3D K4RKL3S  
GC: H3H3H3H3  
GC: CONGR4DU4LT1ONS MR 4PPL3B3RRYBL4ST  
TA: what?  
TA: how diid you all ready fiind out?  
TA: iit only happened an hour ago  
CG: H3 W4S T3XT1NG M3 WH1L3 YOU W3R3 DR1V1NG  
CG: > :]  
CG: > :]  
CG: > :]  
CG: >:]  
CG: > :]  
TA: tz no  
CG: > :]  
CG: YOURE NO FUN  
TA: he’2 not mad ii2 he?  
CG: 1TS NOT THE F1RST T1M3 YOUV3 K1SS3D H1M  
CG: NO H3S NOT M4D  
CG: WHY DONT YOU JUST 4SK H1M YOURS3LF  
CG: YOU TWO 4R3 1N TH3 S4M3 ROOM  
  
gallowsCalibrator  [GC] cease pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: tz wait.  
TA: ii don’t know what two 2ay two hiim…

I turn and look at Karkat who has his face buried in a book, probably some trashy romance novel. She was right though I should just open my mouth and say something to him, but that’s harder said than done. All I want to do is sink into the floor but I already know that’s not going to happen. I’m just not that lucky. He is my best friend and he did kiss me back so he can’t really be that mad about anything. I open my mouth to say something and then close it again. After several times of doing this he notices.

He peers over his book at me his eyes full of disinterest and annoyance, “What?”

I opened my mouth again but nothing comes out. I sigh and so does he, my tongue darts across my lips. “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be fucking mad?” 

He looks mad now, like he wants to eat my face. Or smash it in, if he had a choice he’d probably eat it, but that’s just my thoughts on it. “Because you look mad.” I say quietly refusing to directly look at him instead I stare at the poster hanging on the wall just above his head.

“And that’s a change from how I normally look, how?”

“…” He had a point, even though I really wish he didn’t. 

“Exactly. I don’t know what’s up with you lately, but you need to pull your head out of your ass. It’s not like you to pull shit like this.” That’s why I wish he didn’t. He sits the book on the headboard and moves to the edge of his bed looking awkwardly staring at his feet. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I…” I laugh, he can be so sweet when he wants to be. God I I’m so sprung. “I just got worked up. Over excited. Not the first time I’ve done it.” Not a total lie. I had kissed him before in a bout of overzealousness, but unlike last time where it had actually meant nothing, this time… and he had kissed me back so that was also a thing.

“Then stop acting like you tried to fucking rape me.” Then he has to go and ruin my train of thought, with his brash carelessness. I cringe at his choice of words. I would never do that to him ever and even the thoughts of doing that to him makes me sick.

But the thought of anybody trying to make Karkat do anything that he didn’t want to is kind of an amusing thought.

I watch him settle back on the bed and I almost feel the breaking in my mind. I just want to touch him. The way he moves, the snow white of hair that sprays across the crimson pillows, he red eyes staring at me, and I can't help myself as I move over him, straddling his hips. “Let's fuck.” I’ve just completely lost my mind, but I need to touch him, all of him.

He turns scarlet, eyes widening, “You're joking right?”

I come across as calm and collected but it feels like I’m about to lose my mind with how fast my heart is beating. I’m yelling at my mouth and muscles to pull away and tell him it was just a joke before I do something stupid. That doesn’t falter my movements though and I place a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “Not in the slightest.” God I actually sound sexy.

He pushes me away slightly, looking hurt and angry. The hurt is only there for a second and I think that I imagined it. “Take your sexual frustration out on someone else. Like Eridan.”

His words disgust me and I almost pull away. God I fucking hate Eridan, he’s such a douche and I want nothing to do with him. “Why should I when the source of my sexual frustration is squirming so beautifully underneath me?” I pin his wrist against the bed as he gasps and I place a lingering kiss on his neck.

“Wait. What?” Sock, surprise, and fear(?) cross his face. His head falls to the side giving me more room, but mainly he’s just trying to not look at me.

I place another kiss on his neck. “kk, the way you move is so suggestive and sexy, like you just know how to work me up.” 

“Sense when did you become Mr. Over-Coming-My-Awkawdness-and-Solistating-my-best-friend-for-sex?” his eyes narrow his cheeks matching them in color. He turns and glares at me.

“Right now, kk please tell me yes. I want you so bad. Please tell me we can.” I sit up slightly putting my weight on him and can fell his erection twitch under me. He lets out a soft whimper arching his hips up of the matress.

He stares at me for a long moment mulling over it in his mind and I just stare back at him only slightly touching his sides. I don’t push him because I want him to want me as much as I’m dying for him. The flush on his face darkens and I can feel my face heat up too because we both already know the answer. “Okay.”

I stare down at him, my tongue darting across my lips again. “Are you sure?”

He frees his hands from my grasp. “I wouldn't have said okay if I weren't.” His fingers tangle in my hair and he pulls me down and kisses me. I kiss him back eagerly my hands sliding up under his shirt. He lets out a whimper and grinds up against me. His whole body seems to be sensitive to touch and now it makes sense why he always covered as much of his body as he could.

I release his lips and stare down at him. He’s beautiful, not that I would ever get up the courage to tell him that. Even though I did find enough of it to ask him to sleep with me, it just feels like they’re totally different things. Talking about how he makes me feel is totally different than fucking him into the bed. Which I have every plan on doing tonight.

I cress his cheek, the skin feels so hot under my touch. I lean down and press a long passionately sweet kiss against his lips before pulling away one more time to free him of his shirt. It’s thrown on the floor and soon my mouth is exploring his neck and chest more freely. He lets out a gaspy breath with every kiss and a soft moan with every nip. He’s so worked up and his dick is straining against his pants.

“Sollux…” he says breathlessly drawing my attention back to him. “Please?”

“Please what, kk? You’re going to have to be more specific.” I purposely brush against the tent in his pants and he moans loudly and arched up off the bed. I laugh slightly but give in instead of drawing it out further to torture him. I tug mu shirt up over my head before tugging his pants off and giving him what he wants.

“Not wearing underwear kk? That’s sexy.”

He whimpers and squirms. “Shut up douche-nozzle!” He moans even louder when I take him into my hand and stroke him. “Sollux!” I kiss him again, my tongue taking advantage of his already parted lips and invades his mouth. He fights back, his tongue presses back against mine and they slide against each other. I pull away from him panting and it’s his turn to laugh.

“Are you trying to shake my dick like a hand, because that’s what it feels like.”

I growl and take him into my mouth without a second though, but once he’s there I’m not really sure what to do so I do what I think I might like, bob and suck. The more noise he makes the more confident I get the more I do the louder he gets. It’s an endless circle until he’s coming in my mouth, which is a whole long story that I won’t get into because wow semen is gross, but I try and swallow it and ended up chocking…

That night was the first but far from the last time I had sex with Karkat while we were just friends, but it lead to deeper things, things that we both really wanted but never thought that the other did.

\---

“Sollux.” Terezi says my name again, but again I ignore her in favor of enjoying Karkat’s heat as he plasters himself against my side watching me play Zelda. She lets out a frustrated growl. “When did you guys get attached at the hips? I know you two are always like this when he first gets back but this is getting ridiculous, it’s been two months.” She’s frowning at us.

We both look up at her, “Do you have a problem with it?”

She examines us closely through her thick glasses. Then her eyes lock on me. “You haven’t told him have you?” I tense and she smirks wickedly, “You guys have been having sex this whole time, “ he tenses now, nobody was supposed to know, “and you haven’t told him?”

“How do you know that?” 

“I’ve notice the difference in your personalities. You two are much more relaxed.” God I hate her so much some times. She picks up on things way to easily and it drives me nuts.

He sneers at her before turning and looking at me and I look elsewhere, “Tell me what?”

“I uhh…”

“Sollux?”

“Go on and tell him or I will and I’m not sure you want that, do you Sollux?” 

I send her a death glare. “It’s not important.” He looks between us unsure. “Terezi needs to just mind her own business.”

She cackles. “Oh Mr. Appleberryblast, you two are my friends, of course it’s my business to make sure that all parties involved in this little arrangement. Karkat may be content but I know you’re not.” She smirks at me.

“It seems like it’s important Sollux, just tell me what it is.”

“I…”

“Oh come on, he’s in love with you Karkat.”


	6. With nothing left to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's an awkward not-quite-feelings-jam feelings jam and Sollux and Karkat get caught about to have sex. Sollux's father doesn't take it too well, but Sam (Sollux's step father) seems to always be on his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A drabble for the first person who guesses who Sollux's fathers are.  
> And another one for anybody who can guess who his mother is.
> 
> Also I was torn between VriskaTerezi and TereziNepeta, but since the later seems to be on the up rise and there's not that much of anything for it, I decided to go with it instead. Also I kind of like it. :3

I shut down after that day and don’t really respond to anything. It’s a weird thing, being heart broken, I hurt everywhere but at the same time know it’s all in my mind. I want to sleep, but I can’t seem to and it just hurts too much to move. I think back to the look on his face when she spilled that to him and I can’t help but be really fucking angry, at her at him but mainly at myself. It wouldn’t have happened if I had just been honest to him from the start. He probably thinks I just used him now. That though manages to get me out of bed, snarling and angry. I sit down at my computer and click on her handle and it’s on. I don’t even tell her everything I want to I just settle with:

twinArmageddons  [TA] begain pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
TA: ii’m going two fuckiing kill you  
TA: you may have fucked up everythiing.  
TA: iif you diid ii will never forgiive you.  
twinArmageddons [TA] is now offline

After that I log back off and curl up in bed and go back to not moving. My phone ring several times, I get several texts from Terezi, Aradia, Karkat, and Feferi. After denying dinner my dad finally knocks on the door, “Sollux, Karkat’s here to see you.”

“Go away!”

“Fine have it your way.” He sighs and I can hear his footsteps going down the hall. Not long later I hear the angry stomping up the stairs. “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OR I'LL OPEN IT FOR YOU.”

“Go away!” I knew that Karkat wouldn’t stand for that. He doesn’t like being denied things, he also doesn’t like to be told what to do. I hear him turn the knob back and forth in quick secession, turning it harder and harder until the lock breaks. My father’s going to be annoyed; this is the fourth door handle he’ll have had to replace because of this.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, probably looking for the right thing to say. “What is fucking wrong with you?” I can feel his eyes on my back, glaring at me. That was so not the right thing to say, he’s such an ass hole. What happened to the sweet little boy who was my childhood friend? Right, he grew up to be a giant asshole. “Sollux, look at me.” I can’t do that, his eyes are so intense under normal circumstances and I know that they have to be smoldering about now. That’s just how he is about everything that matters too him. He’s just so passionate.

I lay there and he growls getting impatient. I don’t blame him, if our positions were switched I probably would have given up on him a long time ago. He’s a lot stronger than I am though, and I find it amazing. So before I lose him I have to find something to say to him and fast or I’ll really be in for it. I hear the gasp of breath he takes before he goes to start his rant so I cut him off before he can even start. I’m not in the mood to listen to and judging from the sound of him he’s not really in the mood to give it. “You hate me now.” I mumble to the wall.

“What?” I can hear him deflate, the confusion in his voice. I don’t really understand why he would be though; the question was pretty simple and I’ve never known Karkat to be stupid or indecisive, “Why would I hate you?”

Before I can reply I hear footsteps coming down the hall. “Since you two are going to fight we're going out.” my dad disappears from the door way just as fast as he appeared. I don’t even get the chance to tell him that were not going to fight. Neither one of us really has the energy.

He takes a couple of steps closer to me and when he speaks his voice is hesitant. “Sollux.”

That answers that question. I feel many things, but mainly heartbroken. I let the anger show though because I’m so over crying right now. I uncurl and roll over to glare up at him. “So you do. Not that I blame you…”

“Why would I hate you? You keep pushing this on me but you won’t explain why I should hate you. Sollux, just tell me why you think I should hate you.” his eyebrows crease and he takes another step closer, where I’d probably have just avoided this whole thing – I tried actually – he’s going to push it.

“Because I've been using you for sex and I never told you...” My voice trails off and I stare at the wall beside him, my own glare failing me.

“You're the biggest moron ever.” His voice holds no venom, he sound more like put out than angry.

“What the fuck does my intelligence level have to do with this?” I stand up to glare at him again, but he doesn’t back down and I don’t know why I even expected him too. Karkat doesn’t ever back down so why would he back down now? I don’t know what made me think that he’d back down just because I tower over him.

“I already knew.” His voice is soft and he has a small smile on his face. I freeze and stare at him, my stomach in my throat and my heart where my stomach supposed to be. He knew?! And he never said anything to me? I’m not even sure what to think now. “I'm not fucking stupid, Sollux. We've been having sex for three months now; don't you think that's one of the things I would have picked up on? You always poured so much emotion into making me feel loved, kissing me everywhere, touching me feather soft treating me like a lover and not just a friend you have casual sex with. Sollux, It was hard to miss.”

My mind goes blank and “Wait what?” is the most intelligent thing I can think of right at the moment.

“I've known for sure that you've been in love with me for about two months now. Though I doubt I would have picked it up if we hadn't started fucking.”

I had tried to be extra careful; tired is the keyword there I suppose, but surely there had to be one thing, out of everything that had made him absolutely sure that I loved him. “What actually gave me away?”

He flushes that red that only he's ever been able to capture and looks away. His tongue darts across his lips and he swallows. He’s nervous, but I don’t really understand about what; unless he found out in some way that I wouldn’t like. “You were talking in your sleep.”

Well that is one thing that I wasn’t expecting. I sit down hard on the edge of the bed and stare up at him. “Why didn't you ever say anything?”

He looks away sheepishly. “I was waiting until you were actually ready to tell me. It wasn’t something that I wanted to push you into.”

Waiting for me to tell him? My head swam, this wasn't the thing Karkat would usually do. When confronted with something he always faced it head-on, that's what he was taught to do. So why the sudden change?

Not to mention the fact that I'm totally at a loss of what to do. Yes I do love Karkat, yes we've been fucking for three months, and yes I want him all to myself, but he's my best friend first and foremost and I won't do anything to lose him.

But the bigger question remains. If he knew how I felt why did he keep sleeping with me? If he only wanted sex, as much as it hurts, he could have gotten it from anywhere. So, why me? Why would he risk our friendship? The only answer I can come up with is convenience.

I'm always with him, and I want him, so why would he not take me up on that offer? I am so fucking stupid. I really would like nothing better than to throw myself of a bridge of some shit. How could I be so fucking blind? 

I stand back up quickly and he takes a step back looking honestly scared of me. “You're a fucking asshole.”

He blinks and the fear is gone, replaced by his own anger. “Why?”

“Because you've been playing with me!”

“What the fuck?” He’s getting really pissed now his eyes narrow on me, but I’m too angry to back down. Energy that I didn’t have earlier flows into me and suddenly I’m prepared to fight back; I’m not just going to give up because he thinks I should. That’s complete and utter bullshit.

“You've been fucking me because it’s convenient. Do you not give a fuck about our relationship? Am not important to you? Do I even mean anything too you at all?” my voice breaks, my anger draining away and I feel that same emptiness that I felt when he stormed up here. “How do you even feel about me?”

“I thought that was fucking obvious,” his voice soft his eyes hurt, “I'm not the best at hiding shit.” He takes a couple of steps back and he's standing in the doorway. He feels trapped, and I realize that he’s about to make a run for it until he can regain his ground and then he’ll come back full force. His mind is working and he’s piecing together what he wants to say and how exactly to word it so I don’t accidently take it the wrong way.

His eyes fall on me, clear and straight forward. It feels like they cut right through me, it’s a strange feeling but one I’ve grown accustomed too. He takes a couple of steps toward me, having everything laid out in a line. “I told you that Terezi and I broke up because we have our eyes on other people. You know that Terezi is totally smitten with Nepeta but I never told you who I wanted. I always side stepped it, distracting you with something else because I wasn’t sure how you’d react and I didn’t want to tell you if it was just going to end our friend ship.” I want to tell him he can tell me anything but his eyes have me pinned in place and I can barely breathe.

He’s always so intense, so emotional. He burns so bright and so hard, seeing him like this, hesitant almost scared, like a kitten backed into a corner puffed up to twice his size but mostly harmless. He’ll come out swinging if he has to, but he just stares at me asking me to just leave it alone, but I can’t do that. He knows I can’t do that. I have to know what would make him have such an out of character reaction.

“Karkat?” I stand again now the one taking tentative steps towards him. I want to touch him, pull him into my arms and hold him. He just looks like he’s so close to giving up and that’s something that I never thought I’d see.

And then something breaks and whatever fight he was putting up he surrenders. “Why do you have to be so oblivious? Why couldn’t you have just picked up on it like every fucking body else? Why do I always have to spell things out for you? You notice everything else, pick up on every little detail any other time, why do you always miss these things? Do you just not want to see them or do you keep telling yourself that it’s all in your mind?” He’s glaring now torn between attacking and running and from the way he’s rating he’s leaning more towards attack mode. “Why do you have to be so fucking stupid? How can you not see it? It’s been obvious for a long time. I mean it broke up me and Terezi’s relationship for fucks sake. How can you not see it too?”

Okay I don’t appreciate being called stupid but I suck it up because I’m more curious to know what the fuck he’s going on about. “Karkat what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Sollux I've been in love with you for years.” His voice does that trail off thing when he’s nervous about something. I’m too much in shock to really take it all in. He’s been in love with me this whole time? Even when he was with Terezi? And the douche didn’t say anything about it? God now that he told me I realize I really had to have been blind to miss it. The soft lingering touches the warm smiles he only sent my way, the way he offered me all of his time.

I obviously take too long to react because he makes like he's going to dash. I catch him and manage pin him to the wall before he can. “What? You’re not just playing with me are you?”

He doesn't say anything just stretches up, fisting my shirt to pull me down to his level and kisses me hard and I kiss him back of course. What else would I do? Hormones kick in and I switch from sad and angry to horny in the matter of seconds. Being a teenager is great! Not! I press against him, my hands wondering down his body and slipping into his back pocket. His tongue probes at my mouth and I let him in. He traces my mouth as if kissing me for the first time, everything’s so hot, and just touching him isn’t enough.

The clothes have to go.

I tug him back to my room and he follows eagerly. I press him into the mattress and he washes over me like fire. My fingers entangle in his hair pulling slightly. When his mouth opens to moan I take advantage of it and invade. I’m taking charge now in a way that I just hadn’t done before. He doesn’t seem to mind as he pushes his hips up against mine eagerly. The friction is wonderful and I moan slightly against his mouth.

His hands are like fire against my skin as they slid up under my shirt. He’s so hot just in general, his looks, his personality, everything about him was just like fire, burning, thriving, consuming; stealing the very air from my lungs as I kiss him. I think I would lose myself if his fire ever went out, he’s always so bright and I’m almost jealous of it. Even angry and short tempered he draws people in ways nobody understands, he was something that I always wanted to protect.

So cute and innocent under all that anger and foul language.

This heat wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before, everything was so hot and I knew I had to be just as red as he was. The intensity was almost enough to make me shy away, every whimper he let lose, every sigh, keeps me here in this bed to make him make more of those sounds. I have to wonder if this is the difference between just having sex and having sex with someone who loves you.

I pull away from him and stare down at him, his hair splayed across my blue pillows and she stares back at me through his snow bangs. I reach up and touch his face. God he’s beautiful, what does he even see in me at all? “Karkat...”

“What?” His eyes almost glow and he looks ethereal. I want to lock him away forever where nobody else can touch him. I want to keep him all to myself. Everything starts to slow down now, the heat is still there, the want, but it’s time to slow down and enjoy the moment really take each other in.

I cup his face and lean down and kiss him gently “I--”

“I think he needs to go home now.” we jump apart.

Anger twist in my stomach, it’s not like he didn’t know I was fucking Karkat so I’m not sure why he’s doing this. “I thought you were leaving.” I glare at my dad but he just looks unfazed, use to it by now.

“We were...” Were?

“Then why are you still here?”

“We need to talk and Karkat needs to go home.” That’s not an answer. I don’t understand what the big deal is. I would expect my mom to act like this but not my father. I mean this reaction is hypocritical on his end seeing as he’s married to a guy and he didn’t really even walk in on anything. We were just kissing, I’ve walked in on way worse.

“Why? We weren't doing anything wrong.”

“Sollux.”

“You act like we haven't been having sex anyway.”

Karkat squeaks and my dad has a weird look on his face. “What?” So he really didn’t know? How could he not fucking know? It was so obvious. We didn’t even try to hide it at all.

I don't even know why I'm so angry. I really have no reason to be. I mean as my father he has every right be to be mad about me having sex, I just didn’t think he would be as long as I wasn’t knocking up chicks. Karkat just touches my arm briefly as he stands up and it calms me down slightly. “I'll talk to you later.”

“Wait! Let me at least walk you to your car.” I flush with how stupid I must sound but he just smiles at me. I know things like this make him really happy. The way his face lights up is worth pissing off my father further. I will do anything in my power to make him happy.

My father sighs knowing that he won’t win this one. “When you get back in, living room.” 

“Yes sir.” He gives me a look and leaves us alone.

I follow him out to his car, we avoid the other occupants of my house. I shut the door quietly behind us, but I know that my father hears it. At this point, standing at Karkat’s car, he’d here me if I whispered douchebag, I hold back a giggle at the thought. He opens the door and stands there between his door and the car. “We're both pretty stupid.” He smiles weakly.

“Yeah.” I press him against the side of his car and wrap my arms around him. The metal of the roof must be digging into his back, but he doesn’t complain. “I'm probably so grounded for that stunt. I should have just kept my mouth shut and he probably wouldn’t have even gotten so mad. My ass is going to be grass.”

“I don't know. Sounds like Sam is sticking up for you.” We both listen to the raised voices from the house, they're not quite yelling so we can't really make out what they're saying but they're being louder than normal. That means that they’re both mad, but I’m not sure if he’s actually sticking up for me. He has the tendency to just stay out of things.

I smile and kiss him. My mood lightens. “Means I got some extra time out here with you.” I press my hips against his with a hiss, even after all that I’m still hard, and he’s at least half hard. The friction is nice so I do it again and he lets out a shaky breath.

We stand there lip-locked, my hands in his back pockets, his in my hair, as we stand there dry humping each other. This is not at all what I expected to happen tonight. I expected to spend all night sulking alone in my room ignoring the world around me and my responsibilities, but my tongue in his mouth and the growing pleaser from rubbing my dick against his, who am I to argue?

“SOLLUX!” I jump pressing my hips hard against his, and god does it feel good. I have to hold back a sound as I release into my pants. From the way he shutters and flushes I can tell that he'd done the same thing. “House. Now.”

I glance over my shoulder at my dad standing angrily on the porch. Sam stands behind him, eyes narrowed on his back and for the first time I notice how much Sam and Karkat look alike. Sam has messy black hair though, but his eyes are the same crimson as Karkat's. I almost laugh at the realization, how could I have never noticed it before?

“In the house. Now.”

I sigh, still on the high from my orgasm so my impending doom can’t even bring me down. “Fine.” I kiss Karkat one more time, “Sorry about the mess.”

“It’s totally fine.” He smirks at me and pulls away from me. “I'll see you Monday if you really do get grounded. Even though we both know it won’t sick.” He slips into his car and I shut his door and take a couple steps back as I watch him pull away.

I turn and face my dad, Sam just smiles at me but my dad scowls before turning away as if I disgust him. But even this doesn’t bother me. “Shower and then living room.” Sam pushes down laughter behind his hand and the look my dad sends his way is scathing.

I just hurry up the stairs and shower quickly and then my lecture starts he doesn’t hold back at all. Twenty minutes later my lecture is cut off by Sam who tells my dad to shove it and then they're fighting again. It’s almost amusing, almost.

“You're not his father; you have no right to step into this.”

The hurt doesn't show on his face, but I know he feels it. “You used to tell me the opposite, but now that I'm on his side I can't be his father? You have to step back and realize that he’s not a little kid anymore. He’s old enough to make his own decisions and as long as he’s not hurting anybody why does it matter if he’s having sex? I mean hacked into a government data base at three I'm pretty sure he knows what porn is. He's not a stupid, and Karkat's a little rough around the edges but a good kid. You need to let this one go and I just don’t understand why you won’t.”

My dad just huffs and stomps away. “Turn the internet back on,” Sam calls after him, and then he turns back to me with a uneven smile, “because it looks like I'm going to need porn tonight.” My dad squawks and their bedroom door slams. He laughs and hands me my phone and car keys back. “He took them from your room when you were in the shower.”

“Thank you, but why did you do that?”

“There was once somebody I was in love with but our families tried to keep us apart.”

“What happened?”

He smiled at me “He got married to this pretty girl and they had a beautiful little blonde Asian baby.”

He walks away leaving me to my thoughts, but everything kind of hurts. My phone chimes and I decide it time to finally check my messages.

From: tz

YOU PROB4BLY DON’T KNOW TH1S Y3T BUT K4RK4TS B33N 1N LOV3 W1TH YOU S1NC3 TH3 D4WN OF T1M3

From: tz

4LSO YOU’R3 BOTH STUP1D

From: tz

1 ST1LL LOV3 YOU BOTH THOUGH H3H3H3

From: aa

everyb0dy’s w0rried ab0ut y0u please answer y0ur ph0ne

From: kk

ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE WHEN I CALL YOU.

From: kk

I’M COMING OVER YOU DOUCHEBAG, I HOPE YOUR READY FOR THIS.

From: kk

<3

To: kk

ii’m not grounded. want two do something tomorrow?

From: kk

HELL YES.

To: kk

<3


	7. You let go, let lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I have an excuse for the first couple of months when they took my internet and then I got a job and the girl I originally wrote this for is now my girlfriend.

I’m sprawled out on his bed while he’s curled up at his desk, we’re playing Sgurb together. It’s so much better when we’re playing it together in a room instead of online. Listening to him yell at his computer while he unsuccessfully tries to find a way out of the dead end we’ve hit is so much easier to listen to when it’s not over a cackling speaker system. He’s determined to make this work somehow like his own life counted on. It’s sweet in its own way and totally like him.

Though he may be doing something right since we keep coming across more story.

Honestly I just think it’d be easier to restart the game but he’s totally against that, so I stick with him because seeing him passionate about something – even if it’s just as a computer game – is an amazing thing. He’s going to find a way around this and nobody will stop him.

I watch his flop over his keyboard in defeat, “I give the fuck up for the night.” He flops on the bed next to me and nuzzles against my side. “I’m hungry.”

“This is your house why are you telling me?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really.”

“I was thinking of ordering a pizza.”

“Cheese.”

“I thought you weren’t hungry.”

“Well I am now.” I twist around and kiss him, his lip press more firmly against mine. I grin at him as he nipped at my lips. “Just how hungry are you?”

“My hunger for you out weighs my physical hunger.”

I move and pin him under me. “I think I can live with that.” He grins up at me and my lips are back against his and his fingers are in my hair. Our lips move together perfectly, his tongue curling and twisting against mine. His hand move down my back and grabs my ass. I moan and my hips roll against his.

He nips my lips before taking my bottom lip between his teeth. I moan again and my lips start making their way to his ear. “Sollux...” his hips begin moving against mine, “too many clothes…”

And that begins the flurry of clothes flying. First his shirt than mine pants I don’t even remember who’s but we were soon naked. Moans and whimpers pour from his lips and mine everything is so hot, every movement so sensual.

My mouth moves down his body and he withers and moans as I kiss and nip across his pale skin. I still get off on how much paler he is than me and his skin is so soft. I bite his thighs leaving love marks there. His hips arch up and he moans loudly, his cock begging for attention.

“Sollux, teasing isn’t nice.”

“Oh so it’s different when you’re teasing me?” I run my tongue across the slit that’s already leaking pre-cum.

“Yes! Usually I tease you when I’m trying to get you turned on. You’re so stubborn when you’re having your love affair with your computer.”

I chuckle, “You just love crawling under my desk and blowing me.”

“No I like trying to get you to fuck me. There’s a difference. You spend so much time with it-” “her” “-IT and not enough time with me.” He tugs on my hair and I lap at it again before giving him what he wants. He moans loudly, and it was beautiful.

I needed him to make that sound again, and he does as I suck on the head. “Nnnnng Sollux!” I hollow my cheeks out and start bobbing my head before pulling back.

“This isn’t going to go on for long.”

“Blow jobs between us never go on for long.”

“Because your ass is so tight and when you get like this you want it filled.” He goes to retort but before he can I take him back in my mouth and suck and whatever he was going to say is lost in a moan. I keep him distracted while I grab the lube from under the bed and prepare to stretch him.

With my mouth around his cock and my fingers slick in lube I start stretching him. He always hates this part, he never actually tells me why but I don’t really blame him because I don’t care for it much either, but we’ve tried the skipping it thing but that only ended badly.

I know he’s ready to when he’s pushing down against my fingers.

I love watching him move, I always got so caught up in doing it in gym that I end up getting yelled at and called out for doing so in class; he so graceful that it’s hard to pull my eyes away, but watching him move in bed is a whole other thing. It’s like a special little dance he does for me and only me.

I pull back so I can watch him move against my fingers as I stretch him further, I almost what to just keep doing it forever, but my own dick craves attention too. I pull my fingers out of him and he lets out a whimper I lean in and kiss him before pulling back.

“Roll over.” He does as I say, leaning forward putting his ass in the air and rolling back telling me to hurry. This was is as close as he’ll ever get too begging. I line myself up and press it, we both moan but for very different reasons. He’s so hot and tight and it’s amazing, everything about him is amazing, and god I fucking love him so fucking much.

It’s all over to fast though and soon we’re curled up panting and covered in cum. It’s horrible and amazing and we’re sticky but it’s okay because his lips against my skin kissing my neck in post sex after-glow is amazing. It’s always so comfortable curled up in his bed. God I’m such a sap.

We should go clean up, but he’s already on his way to sleep and I don’t have the heart to wake him up again. He doesn’t sleep long though and about twenty minutes later he’s stirring and pulling away from me. “Nnn how long did I sleep?”

“Not very long.”

He moves around his body popping and creaking. “I feel like I slept for hours.” He yawns and stretches before standing up. “I’m going to order the pizza and then jump in the shower. You should join me.”

He heads over to his computer and goes through the ordering process while I head to the bathroom to get our shower ready. I like the water at “oh god this is nice” he likes the water at “oh my god I’m on fire” so I put it as hot as I can handle it without feeling like I’ve just burst into flames.

He walks in right when I’m about to step under the glorious spray of the water. “Pizza should be here in about thirty. You did make the water hotter than just luke-warm didn’t you?”

I roll my eyes. “Of course not, I set it to “Antarctic expedition in your underwear cold, dumbfuck.” He laughs and kisses me. He’s always a lot more pleasant, and less argumentative after sex. Not that I mind either way because even if I did it wouldn’t matter to him. He’d still be the same old Karkat. And I wouldn’t want to change that. But at the same time I can’t help but feel that if he loved me he would change. Not that I can really say anything about that. I’m just as bad as he is…

Maybe in some twisted way we belong together because of that.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter because the way his hands are moving through my hair scrubbing at my scalp is amazing and I quickly get lost in it. I’m letting out soft pleasured filled sounds and he just smirks. I want to glare at him but it feels too good and god knows he’d be doing the exact same thing if the positions were switched. Only he’d probably be getting turned on by all of this, he’s so twisted sometimes.

To quickly our shower is over and were clothed again waiting down stairs for the pizza to arrive. Not that either of us would actually answer the door, but the tv in the living room is the biggest so this is where we are.

One of the maids answers the door when it arrives and Karkat’s so into this movie while I glare at it because I’ve seen this movie a thousand times, with him, and if I never see it again it will be way too soon. I seriously hate this movie and of course it has to be one of his favorites. She sits the pizza on the table in front of us and I look in both boxes before handing Karkat his fancy chicken Alfaro pizza and start in on my cheese pizza.

And it’s amazing. I’m in pizza heaven. Seriously nothing should taste this good. It should be a crime. Karkat’s glaring at me – apparently I’m enjoying my pizza too loudly. He just doesn’t appreciate a good cheese pizza.

I roll my eyes at him but there’s not much I can do about it, he turns back to the tv and stares at it. I can’t tell if he actually likes romcoms or if he’s just says he likes them to be different. It almost seems like he has a love hate relationship with them.

I wish I could be that passionate about something. I have my coding and shit but I’ve never really felt for it like he does for well… anything. I wish I had just a portion of his passion, I’d probably be a lot better at everything.

He’s amazing in every aspect and to me he’s perfect. And nobody, not even him, understands how much he means to me; has always meant to me, even before we were a thing. I would never let anything happen to him if I could help it. I suppose that’s how any lover feels about their other, but it’s so much more that I can’t even describe it. There are no words in the human language to describe it, not in any of the languages that I know.

The movie plays on as we eat but not too long later it ends and we’re arguing over what to watch next. He wants to watch another romcom and I want to watch something else and we just can’t come to a decision which leaves us watching cartoons. I begin to wonder I if his parent will even come home tonight. Probably not; I don’t even care though, but I makes me wonder if we could get away with having sex right here on the couch.

Hello hormones, this is Sollux, please shut off. He turns and gives me a weird look telling me that he feels it but how could he not? He’s practically sitting in my lap. “Little happy there Sollux?”

I flush, “You’re warm and smell really good.”

“That’s not really an excuse.” The head maid comes in the room.

“You’re father called and said there’s a really bad storm in Los Angeles so they’re staying another night. Do you need anything else?”

“No.”

“Okay, everybody else has left, and if that’s everything than I’ll be on my way. Good night boys.” And then we were alone in his big house and would be for the rest of the night.

“So do your dads know you’re staying here?”

“I didn’t tell them that but they know where I am so if I don’t show up I’m sure they’ll know.”

“You should reel in your hormones and give them a call before your dad starts to worry. And blames me for corrupting you or some shit.”

“If he only knew right? Ehehehe…” I wiggle out from under him and stand up. “I think I should go make this call from the other room so that I can calm myself down.” He grins up at me and I head into the study down the hall. I scroll through my recent calls until I find his number.

“Hello Sollux, your dad’s in the shower you need something?”

“Yeah, kk’s parents are still in L.A. and I was wanting to know if it was okay if I stayed here.”

“It’s okay with me but hold on let me ask your father because you know, I’m not in charge of you.” There’s sarcasm dripping from his words, I hear him knock on a door and then the static-y sound of the shower running. “Hey is it okay if Sollux stays over at Karkat’s tonight?”

“I don’t care. Just make sure you’re ready so we can leave.”

“Yes sir. You got the okay Sollux, so have fun. But don’t have too much fun.”

I laugh. “I could say the same too you but that’d be too much information.” I hang up and head back into the living room only to find Karkat sprawled out naked on the couch waiting for me. And god this is my lucky day.

I strip off my shirt and drop it on the floor and am on him in seconds. My mouth is on his before I can even think about it. He’s already hard and I’m well on my way. He flips us on to the floor and straddles my hips hands running over my chest.

“I’m topping tonight.” I flush because this has only happened once before. He’s only fucked me once. His moth moves against my neck and nipping and kissing my skin. Oh god does it feel great. I can feel his cock pressed against my lower stomach and he rocks his hips slightly. I’m going to lose it, but I let him do what he wants even though it pains me so.

My hand goes to his hips as he moves and aligns his hips with mine. He doesn’t move though because denim on his bare dick would hurt. His hands slide down my sides and raises goose bumps on my skin. My body feels hot and my head swims.

“KK stop teasing. It’s not nice.”

“You don’t seem to mind much.” He rubs his over the tent in my pants causing me to shutter.

“Nnnn kk…” He undoes the button on my pants and rubs me though my pants. “Ahhh!” I arch up to his touch.

“Sollux,” he leans down and kisses so sweetly compared to the rest of his movements, “I love you so much.” he cresses my face, “So very much.” He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and tugs on it. I moan.

He slides back pulling both my pants and underwear down freeing my dick from its imprisonment in my pants. He lifts his body from my thighs and my pants go across the room. “Fucck. Karkat.” His mouth presses against mine leaving me breathless and almost begging for more, but with his bod realigned with mine and his hips rocking causing beautiful sweet friction I’m mindless.

“You don’t have lube on you do you?” I pant out between whimpers.

“My pants pocket.”

“Where you planning this?”

“Nnnn… in a way. More hoping.”

My back arches pressing up against him harder as I writhe, “If you keep this up, we won’t even make it that far.”

He pulls back and I let out a disappointed sound. “You’re right.” He reaches over and grabs his pants and pulls the bottle out of the pocket. He moves until he’s settled between my thighs. I spread my legs as far as I can from this position. He slicks his fingers down and starts to prepare me for stretching. His fingers circle my entrance spreading the slick liquid around the hole and god the teasing feels so good.

“Nnn, your such a fucking cock tease.” He finally pushes a slick finger inside me, it feels weird but not entirely unwelcomed. “You don’t seem to mind much.” He rubs his over the tent in my pants causing me to shutter.

“Nnnn kk…” He undoes the button on my pants and rubs me though my pants. “Ahhh!” I arch up to his touch.

“Sollux,” he leans down and kisses so sweetly compared to the rest of his movements, “I love you so much.” he cresses my face, “So very much.” He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and tugs on it. I moan.

He slides back pulling both my pants and underwear down freeing my dick from its imprisonment in my pants. He lifts his body from my thighs and my pants go across the room. “Fucck. Karkat.” His mouth presses against mine leaving me breathless and almost begging for more, but with his bod realigned with mine and his hips rocking causing beautiful sweet friction I’m mindless.

“You don’t have lube on you do you?” I pant out between whimpers.

“My pants pocket.”

“Where you planning this?”

“Nnnn… in a way. More hoping.”

My back arches pressing up against him harder as I writhe, “If you keep this up, we won’t even make it that far.”

He pulls back and I let out a disappointed sound. “You’re right.” He reaches over and grabs his pants and pulls the bottle out of the pocket. He moves until he’s settled between my thighs. I spread my legs as far as I can from this position. He slicks his fingers down and starts to prepare me for stretching. His fingers circle my entrance spreading the slick liquid around the hole and god the teasing feels so good.

“Nnn, your such a fucking cock tease.” He finally pushes a slick finger inside me; it feels weird but not entirely unwelcomed. I don’t know how he puts up with this on almost a daily basis. And then I remember the after effects of this. God it had felt so good.

He slides another finger inside me and starts stretching, opening me up further, he’s taking his sweet ass time with this but it’s starting to just get on my nerves. “For the love of god hurry the fuck up!”

“I don’t want to hurt you dumbfuck.”

“Well I don’t want to sit here with your fingers in my ass all night.”

“Well then maybe you should just fuck yourself then.” He moves as if he’s going to pull away.

“Fuck you! Get back here and finish what you’ve started. If you leave me like this I will never fucking forgive you.”

“Fine I’ll move along.” He puts another finger in me and stretches me further and when he satisfied, even though I’m so far from it, he pulls his fingers out and wipes them on my shirt, eww. “Are you mentally prepared for what comes next.”

“Oh my fucking god, just get on with it or are you so incompetent that you don’t even know how to proceed? Your dick goes in the hole.”

His eyes narrow and he pushes forward penetrating me and oh god it hurts and yet feels amazing all at the same time. I let out a soft sound and he leans down to hiss in my ear, “Know where my fucking dick goes.” His hips roll and the motion hurts even though he’s not actually trying to. “Don’t patronize me or you won’t like where this will go, Sollux.” I moan at his words because his words are so sexy.

“When this stops hurting you I’m going to fuck you so hard that you can’t walk straight.” His words go straight to my dick and I let out a moan. His hips move smoothly and it goes from hurting to discomfort to oh my god fuck me harder. And I think those exact words come out of my mouth because as soon as I think it he does.

His hips move against mine, my nails digging into his back. I rock up to meet him and for a while it’s just the two of us moving together, panting and moaning. Everything is going to come to an end soon, I can already feel the coiling in my stomach and the tightening of my balls.

His hand wraps around my cock and starts pumping me and god I’m done. He knows it I’m sure everything in the entire universe knows that I’m done. I coat my stomach with my own seed. “KAR-KAT!”

He moans loudly and comes inside me. I’m sticky and sore but everything is okay because I also feel amazing and satisfied. And for now everything is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and write more stable updates because there's not much left of this. honestly this isn't a real chapter.
> 
> Edit: Now it's a real chapter. I took on editing this for Camp Nano, you might want to go back and reread things, but pretty much everything before this chapter is the same.


	8. And Just Pretend You're Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn what happens to Karkat and Sollux just about loses it. (we also learn that Aya doesn't know the correct characterization of Spade Slick and there for fails at life.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been editing and rewriting this for Camp Nano so a lot of the chapters have been added too. There's a lot more porn and more details.  
> Also just in case there's some vague descriptions of rape in this chapter. This is about as detailed as it gets. I don't want to trigger anyone and really don't want to write it.

Some things I shouldn’t ever learn. I never wanted to actually know what happened that night. I didn’t want to know the details, but when he was ready to talk I just listened, gritting my teeth and trying to fly off the handle. When I found out I was nearly worse off than he was. I was worried when he didn’t call me after he said he wasn’t going to be at school that day (IT’S NOT DANGEROUS, SOLLUX, DON’T WORRY. I’LL TEXT YOU WHEN I GET HOME.) and I worried even more when he didn’t come to school the next day and didn’t call I was about to flip my complete and utter shit, when I received a call.

It wasn’t till later that I found out what happened.

\---

It was just a typical job for you, one, if you were completely honest with yourself, that your dad shouldn’t have really put on at your age, but it really didn’t cause you any harm and let’s face it you’re really fucking good at it. And older women flock to you, so seducing one is right up your alley. Why or how is lost on you, but you smile up at her flirtatiously and she blushes and you feel good about yourself.

She’s beautiful, looks like she walked out of a sixties movie with the way she’s dressed and how she wears her hair. She has this elegance about her that most women couldn’t catch, and if you weren’t already totally head over heels with your boyfriend you’d probably actually sleep with her. That’s probably what makes you so good at this though because if you were actually interested in any of these women you’d probably just fuck everything up.

You get all information that your dad asked you to get easily. Once you got her alone and laid on the charm thickly she spilled everything, it was too easy and you were entirely too pleased with yourself. She bubbled on about how handsome you were, not knowing your age (suits always did make you look older) which she did try and get from you, but you didn’t spill. She tried to get you to stay and share her bed, but you politely declined and she was swooning so hard she couldn’t even find it in her to beg you to stay. Which you were glad for, you probably couldn’t have told her no if she really pushed but there was no way you could have slept with her either. With a smile plastered on your face you rejoin your father and tell him everything you learned.

You’re really glad that he doesn’t ask you to do this more often.

Though, you’re not sure why you can’t be this charming in every other aspect in your life. It’s only when it comes to this. You can’t even be this charming when you’re trying to charm your lover. Words just fall out of your mouth like vomit and you can’t get your smile just right. It’s a train wreak waiting to happen so you don’t even really try any more. It’s almost annoying, you feeling like this is something useless to be good at. Why do you need to be able to charm older women? You’re happy with your boyfriend and your sex life. You just wish you were as good at charming him as you are at charming them. He’d probably make fun of you, scratch that you know he would, but he would also really enjoy it.

You’re so caught up in your thoughts that you don’t even notice him watching you, you don’t feel his eyes on you. You’re too focused on what’s going on inside your head and what going on at your table. You’re sitting there with your dad and a couple of other people. They’re trying to slip you drinks, but you won’t take them. They’re praising and teasing you, but this is how it always is. And you don’t mind. You get this a lot and know by now how to dish it back out.

“Come on, kid. Just one drink. It won’t hurt you.”

You can’t help but feel like this is some test. And you don’t know this but the shot they’re trying to slip you is one hundred proof and is guaranteed to knock you on your ass with one shot. “No.”

“This kid is nothing like you at all Slick,” the guy sitting at the table gives you a once over and turns back to your father, “are you sure he’s yours?” You may not look like your father, but there’s no denying that he’s your father. Though you’ve wondered that too, even if he’s not biological, he raised you, he’s still your father. “When your father offered you drinks after a job well done you always jumped at them. Kids these days…”

“I’ve raised myself a good fucking kid.” He looks proud of you and you can’t help beam a little. “Smart as they come and not afraid to forge his own way. I think he’s a chip right off the old fucking Vantas block.”

“Shut up. Now you’re just talking yourself up old man. You just need to get over yourself.” Everybody else laughs as you grin at him. “I thought it was praise Karkat time, not boost your already over inflated ego time.”

“You little shit.” And the laughter is contagious because soon he’s laughing too and you feel a little bit proud of yourself so the next drink they offer you, you actually take. You’ve had drinks before, but this was stronger than anything you’d ever had before and it tasted so sweet. One and you done.

You think back on it and wish you wouldn’t have drank it because you would have felt his presences behind you as you made your way through the alleyways to the limo waiting for you. You’d done good and now you were just ready to go home and maybe drunk text your boyfriend and call him so you can touch yourself while you listened to him get off on it. You had the plan all formed in your mind about to send him the first text when you’re grabbed.

If you had been in your right mind you could have easy have fended him off, you’re Spade Slicks son god damn it. You’ve been trained by the best, but you’re drunk for the first time and all you can do is yell and squirm as he touches you and you feel your stomach turn because a man is touching you who isn’t Sollux and you’re actually getting off on it. Not just because you’re being stimulated or because it feels good, but because some stranger is touching you in an alleyway. It’s new and strange and erotic that it never even occurs to you that you don’t want this, you almost think this is all in your mind. Well until your face is shoved against the wall.

It stops being a turn on when everything finally clicks in your hazy mind what this man really wants from you. You’ve never really considered yourself desirable and you always figured that Sollux wanting you was a fluke; you never thought that anybody would force themselves on you because you never consider that anybody would want you that much. But here you are and now you’re actually struggling because you’re terrified. You’re seventeen years old, you’ve watched people die in their own blood, you’ve had guns pointed at you, knifes to your throat, but for the first time in your life you’re terrified.

It’s all over as quickly as it started and with a whisper of, “You’re so beautiful.” he’s gone. And you drop to your knees and start upchucking because you’re disgusted and broken and your head is still spinning. You hurt everywhere, but nowhere at all, your mind is tearing you apart causing your body to ache, but he didn’t hurt you. He left no bruises or scratches. Your ass doesn’t even hurt, but it should so your mind is making it. Really though, you just feel sick with yourself. That’s how your dad finds you, curled up next your vomit in a dirty alley, pants and boxers around your knees covered in some stranger’s semen. You’ve never seen your father angrier in his life, but your mind is so far gone that nothing is even getting to you.

\---

His dad is actually the one who called me. He didn’t tell me what happened, and I didn’t even think to ask, he just said that something happened to Karkat and he wanted me to come stay with him while he went and did something. I was expecting him to be covered in cuts and bruises but he looked perfectly fine when I checked in on him. He even looked fine when I brought him dinner. I was honestly expecting him to have been in some kind of fight but that didn’t seem to be the case. There was no blood no bruise so I was at a loss he looked fine, but I could tell from the way he was acting that he was anything but fine. It was very obvious that something really bad happened to him last night and I was being kept out in the dark for now.

He’s like a zombie, blank slate. He doesn’t even respond to anything I say and when I touch him he kind of shies away. Besides looking at me when I talked it was almost like he was catatonic and I was worried that he might just end up in the hospital if he didn’t actually start eating. When I sat food in front of him he ate it like he’d never eaten before. I want to demand to know what happened, but I can tell pushing would be the wrong thing to do. I don’t want to break him more than he’s been broken already. The way he’s acting it may be for the best that I don’t know what happened.

I pretend that it doesn’t bother me, but it really does. I treat him like nothing’s wrong, like nothings bugging me. I spend the night like this and with the way he keeps pulling away from me I don’t sleep with him. I sleep in another room but make sure to get up and check on him every one and a while. I even cut school the next day (with permission from my fathers) to keep an eye on him. I spend most of the day talking to him like he’s more of a wall than a person.

But this is how we go through the day me talking to him but him not responding and shying away from me. I just go through everything like this is normal but that night I curl up at his desk with my laptop and start coding and I get so caught up in it that I don’t notice how much time passes until he curls against my back crying.

It startles me, and with how wet the back of my shirt is I’m surprised that I didn’t notice sooner. I finally look at the time, it’s two in the afternoon that means I’ve been coding for sixteen hours and didn’t even realize it “Karkat? What’s wrong?” He just shutters and cries harder. I turn and pull him against my chest. His hands twist in my shirt and he lets out painful sounding sobs. “kk… will you tell me what’s wrong?”

He sniffles and crawls in my lap his face taking up residence on my shoulder. “Eventually.” I wrap my arms around him loosely so that if he wants to pull away or he’s uncomfortable he knows that he can. Though, really, I just want to pull him against me, hold him tight, and never let him go. That’s not a thing that’s possible right now. “I’m sorry.” And he breaks my heart with those words. He sounds so heart broken and l legitimately sorry, like he’d done something wrong.

I don’t want him to feel that way. He probably hasn’t even done anything that he should be apologizing for. If anything, I should be apologizing for letting something happen to him. I couldn’t protect him and even though I don’t know what from it still makes me feel like total shit. “kk whatever it is I’m sure there’s no reason for you to be sorry.” He stares up at me like he wants to believe me but just can’t. He looks broken like he’s got the whole weight of the world on his shoulders. I want to take that weight from him, or at least help him carry it but I can’t. He just won’t let me.

He continues to look up at me his eyes wide and hurt. He totally vulnerable right now and it hurts. His fire is gone, everything that made him Karkat has been extinguished and I can’t help but feel that this is all my fault. “But I know I hurt you today when I wouldn’t talk to you. It’s just hard.”

“kk…” I want to stop him but I know that he feels like this is something he has to do.

He looks back down, staring off to the side. “And I want to tell you but I don’t want you to change your mind about me.”

I cup his face and tilt up to look him in the eye. I feel like I’m going to cry. Why would he even think that that would happen? There is nothing in this entire world that could ever make me love him or think any less of him. Especially if it was something he couldn’t control. “kk there’s nothing EVER that can make me change my mind. I love you.”

His eyes widen and more tears spill over his cheeks. He buries his face against my chest again and cries like he’s never cried before. His whole body shakes. All I can do is hold him tightly and whisper soothing words to him. I can’t even ask him what’s wrong because I know that he wouldn’t tell me right now. Eventually he falls asleep like that in my arm and I put him back in bed. I linger over him for a while watching his face stay peaceful and hoping that what ever happened to him isn’t hunting his dreams.

I press a kiss to his forehead and it seems to relax him further before I make my way back to his desk and start typing again. I don’t get too deep into coding this time because I want to keep a closer eye on him than I did last time. I type a few lines here and there talk to some of our friends telling them that Karkat’s just a little under the weather read a few articles, but even with me turning back to look at him every so often his dad still manages to startle me when he pops in.

“He actually asleep?”

“Yeah.”

He walks over to the bed and looks down at him, his face blank and unreadable. “He tell you what happened?”

“No.”

He nods slowly. “I need to talk to you then, kid.” My stomach drops, but I just nod and stand up and follow him to his study. He starts telling me what happened that night to the best of his knowledge, he starts out with Karkat’s job and leads up to the point where they give him a drink and that’s where he starts to hesitate. I’ve never known his father to hesitate and if he ever has he’s managed to cover it up very well but this, this is very obvious. I just sit there quietly waiting for him to continue, but dreading what was coming next. “I found him in the alleyway outside the club…” I’m a ball of nerves begging god that he doesn’t say what I know he’s about to, “… he’d been raped…”

First the shock, even though I saw this coming it still threw me off guard. And as soon as that passes I fly into a rage. I break shit, throw shit around, and scream and he just lets me not saying anything. He actually starts handing me things to break. When I’ve exhausted myself I collapse on one of his overstuffed arm chairs.

Shortly later a maid comes in and starts cleaning up I apologize through tear and she keeps telling me that it’s okay. He keeps telling me that it’s okay. But it’s not okay. Nothing is okay. Some guy (there is not a good enough term to express my disgust for this dick weed) put his hands on my boyfriend and decided that it was okay to take and break what’s mine. He’s made everything feel wrong, like nothing will ever feel right again. I’m pissed beyond measurement.

I sit Slicks study staring down at my hands in my lap which are covered in little tiny cuts everywhere. Tears run down my face and I feel cold despite the nice warm fire burning, lighting up the whole room. I can see Slick sprawled out in the chair adjacent from me drinking vodka straight out of the bottle like he was drinking water. The mess around me has all been cleaned up leaving this empty void inside of me. I don’t know how I’m going to fix this but I do know that I’m going to make this douchebag pay.


	9. Everything Will Be Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you meet the douchebag (who was originally going to be Eridan but the writer now has a fondness for him) and you learn that he's actually likable. HOW DARE HE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally turn out another chapter. I'd be looking forward to another one in the next couple of days if I actually write like a good girl.

With each passing day he gets better and better and with each passing day. He stops ripping away from my touch and he looks happier but I can tell that he’s still not all there. I don’t blame him not in the slightest, but sometimes I worry that this is all an act. I don’t want him to pretend to be better if he’s not. He doesn’t know I know yet and I’m not going to tell him I know. I’m just waiting for him to tell me. He keeps putting it off but he knows I’ll fide out sooner or later so he’ll have to tell me eventually.

Like he said.

While he’s focused on rejoining society and bettering himself I focused on finding the douche bag that tore apart my boyfriend. It’s almost too easy to track him down, especially since the douche that did this checks in on facebook every other minute. If this total incompetent dipshit hadn’t have raped him I would have been flattered that he liked my boyfriend. But he did so it’s time to make him pay.

Since you’re supposed to know your enemy and all that shit I friend him. He accepts my request and my work begins. He’s a rich ceo of some second rate programing company that probably didn’t even know who Karkat was and all he has probably been able to find out about me is that I’m some wicked sick hacker. Of course he wants to friend me.

I hear stomping up the steps and click out of the page as Karkat enters my room. “Hey kk.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Checking my social networks. How ya’ feeling kk?” He gives me a look that I don’t know how to translate. “What?”

He stares at me with wide blank eyes, “I just feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“kk if there’s something I’m not telling you it’s because I think you either already know, but don’t realize you don’t or that I don’t think it’s important, like me Ed and Kn went and saw Evil Dead.”

He pouts at me, but I smile at him sweetly and pull him against my chest. “You’re so cute.” He squawks and flails around slightly and pulls away flushing. “And I love you so much, but you know you wouldn’t want to have seen it.”

“You probably needed some time away from me with my problems.” He looks away from him sadly.

“I’m sorry kk, I want to help you but…”

“I know it gets hard and you need a little space to work through your problems too. I understand. They probably grilled you about me didn’t they?”

“Yeah. They just wanted to make sure that you were okay.” I turn and hibernate my computer and turn back to him and pick him up and drop him on his bed. This wouldn’t end sexual, I won’t be having sex for a while still.

He smiles and giggles and looks up at me. “What did you tell them?”

I crawl in bed with him and curl up with him. “I just told them as much as I know.” I kiss his forehead, “That there was an accident and that you were still working through things.”

He smiles at me and then frowns, “Sollux I’m sorry about the no sex thing, I know you want it and that we use too… all the time… I just can’t.” He must know that if I didn’t already know that that would give it away, but that may just be his hopeful thinking.

“It’s okay, kk. It’s what my right hand is for, or my left depending on my mood.” He snickers and smirks up at me but I can tell that he’s uncomfortable and it’s partly my fault. He hides it well though. He’s gotten so good at it that it’s almost flawless, but he’s still Karkat and I’m still Sollux and he’s still transparent to me.

He nuzzles my chest. “I think I’m going to go back to school Monday.” My eyes widen almost shocked that he said that. The last thing I knew was he didn’t plan on going back for another month. “I’m falling behind and ruining my grade point average.”

“kk you should be more worried about getting better than your gpa.” I run my fingers through his hair. I’m so worried about him. I get the feeling that he’s pushing himself too hard. I’m worried that he’s going to go into relapse and he’s going to have some sort of break down. The thought makes my stomach turn. He’ll end up in a mental ward, and I won’t be able to protect him. I need to protect him, he’s the most important thing to me.

“But it’s important to me, and it decides the rest of my life. I don’t want to just live off my family’s name. I want to do something for myself. I want something just for me.” I run my hands through his hair because I understand what he means. He wants to leave his mark on something and not just follow after everything that’s been laid out for him.

“Okay kk, but don’t push yourself too hard. And if it gets too much you can always take some more time off.” He’s lucky though, he has something he can fall back on in case something happens and he doesn’t make it, but this is Karkat and don’t think he would ever let himself fail.

“I know Sollux, but I also know that you’re behind me.” He smiles up at me softly.

“I just want what’s best for you,” I kiss him gently and pull away teasingly smiling at him.

“What’s best for me right now is a nap. Especially before you get too frisky and have to take a trip to the bathroom.” He seems lighter for some reason, as if this whole situation has taken some great weight off his shoulders. He smiles and laughs more and it makes me wonder if he may already be breaking.

I kiss the white fluff of his hair. “I agree.” I pull him close to me and entwine our legs and he nestles against my chest and drifts off quickly. I wonder if he came over just too sleep. I wouldn’t put it past him and I know that he hasn’t been sleeping well lately. He tells me that he sleeps better when I’m around because he feels safe. I drift in and out of sleep, and vaguely aware of my father popping his head in a couple of hours later to check on us.

“Pizza?” I nod sleepily, “I’ll wake you boys up when it gets here.” I nod again and drift back off. What seem like mere seconds later he’s waking us up to come down for dinner. Karkat looks well rested but I feel drowsy like when you take a nap but over sleep.

I wonder if he dreamed about it. It would be an awful thing to dream about. I wonder if he even remembers it clearly or if it just seems like some strange dream to him that he just know happened. He was really drunk after all. And maybe I just worry too much, but he never worries about himself, he’s always worried about other people. Somebody needs to worry about him and since I’m his boyfriend of almost a year, and his best friend of forever I think that I’ve earned that right. Now’s not the time for over thinking things though. He’s here with me now, and he’s safe. That’s all that matters.

And of course Aaron Vivianes is going to pay both literally and figuratively.

\---

Still haven’t had sex and my hand is getting to the point where it doesn’t even cut it anymore so most of the time anymore I just ignore my boner until it dies. The things I do for love. And because I love him so much is the only reason I’m still in this and mostly sane. He makes it hard though. He likes to tease and purposely make me hard. I think when he starts out he has every intention of finishing it but he always cowers away.

I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to have sex either.

While he’s been dealing with that I’ve been getting chummy with my enemy. I have a lunch “date” with him tomorrow. He wants to talk to me about my future and I want to scope him out before I start faze one of my plan. Which is going to be the only I do spitefully just for me well besides taking all his money and using it to put me through college, but that’s going to take a lot more work. But when I’m done with him, his money would be the least of his worries. First to bring down his company systems.

Well I guess that comes second because first is to have this stupid lunch date with him. I make my way down stairs for dinner with my dads. Sam seems happy for me but he also probably doesn’t really care but dad is asking me a thousand and one questions. I just worry about eating and ignore him for the most part. He finally gives up pouting like he’s a fourth his age.

“So are you excited about tomorrow?” Sam finally asks the only question that my dad never actually asked.

“Not really. I’m more working forward to my dinner date with Karkat. This guy seems like a giant douche and I’m not really looking forward to having to sit across a table from him and make small talk.”

He laughs and dad looks offended. “He probably is a giant douche, but at least give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Fine.”

“But I agree you’ll probably have more fun with Karkat,” He winks at me. He knows what happened to Karkat but my dad doesn’t. He probably couldn’t handle it if he did, Sam just knows how to put on one hell of an act and that’s where I picked it up from in all honesty.

“Will you two stop that?” He looks digested and offended.

“What? It’s not like you don’t know we’re having sex.” I smirk at him playfully.

“That’s not the point Sollux!” His voice is harsh and we both stop and look at him. “That’s not the kind of thing we talk about at the dinner table. And you need to stop encouraging him! He’s having sex all the time and he’s not even seventeen for another couple of weeks!”

“And? It’s not like we’re hurting anybody and there’s not a possibility for pregnancy. We’re both consenting. Why does it really matter?!”

“Because you’re not old enough to be having sex like this all the time.”

“You’re being unreasonable and hypocritical. I know you were having sex like that younger than he is.”

“But I’m the father here and I’m worried about his well-being.”

“He seems healthy to me. I know he’s looking a little down right now, but he’s been eating and doing well in school, and he’s staying out of trouble.” He sighs and deflates. “I’m sure that right now he’s just worrying about Karkat.”

He looks down at the table as if it holds all the clues. “I’m sorry Sollux… He’s right. You’re taking care of yourself and you seem happy enough so I’m going to trust you.”

I’m shocked honestly. He’s never given in that easy. “Thank you.” We finish our meal in mostly silence and when I’m done I make my way up stairs and back to my room glad it’s not my night to do dishes. I start putting together my desktop after I take the thing apart and cleaned all the dust out of the parts. When its booted up it makes the same old healthy buzzing hum that it did when it was new.

This is what I’m going to use to do all my hacking when it comes to that time. When I’m done with that I text Karkat that I’m going to bed and turn in for the night; I hear my phone go off as I’m falling asleep.

I wake up and into the shower I go, then breakfast in my underwear and undershirt and then back to my room to play on my computer for a little. Then I finally I get dressed and head to the restaurant where I’m supposed to meet him. It’s nice more of an upscale café (something Eridan would froth at the mouth over), not somewhere I’d eat if I was picking it out but it smells amazing and my stomach growls.

I don’t see Aaron from where I’m standing but I tell the hostess who I am and she takes me right to him. I sit down at the table across from him and he smiles at me with his too perfect white teeth and it makes me sick too look at him. “Hello Sollux. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

“You too Mr. Vivianes. I’ve been looking so forward to meeting you.” I shake his hand, but I’d really rather just break it. It’d make me feel better about the whole deal.

“Oh please. Call me Aaron. And Sollux my dear boy, it is I that have been looking forward to meeting with you.” I was right; he’s a total douche, and fake at that.

I fake flattery. “I’m not sure if I really sure if I should.”

“Oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal.” He smiles at me jokingly. “I mean it’s what my mother calls me after all.”

I laugh as if he’s told a funny joke. This whole thing is a lot harder than I thought it’d be. I really just want to grab him by the perfectly styled hair and slam his head into the table repeatedly until he stops moving. That would be a thing that pleases me at this moment. “Well okay, if you insist, Aaron.” I want to gag at the own sound of my voice as I speak slowly and carefully making sure that there’s not even a hint of lisp to my voice. Without it, it sounds so different. So foreign, but that’s also part of the plan.

He takes a drink of his fancy whatever it is he’s ordered and smiles at me. “So, Sollux, the waitress should be back shortly and you’re more than welcomed to order whatever you want.” 

He slides a menu over to me and I take it and start to dig through the pages looking for something I’d actually eat. Meat is obviously a sparely used thing here. When the waitress comes by I end up ordering a blt with extra bacon and a strawberry banana smoothie.

“So are you in a relationship?”

I takes everything in my power not to snap. I take a moment to organize what I’m going to say to him. “Yeah.” I settle on that for now, and I’ll just wing it as I go. I don’t know how I’m ever going to do this without choking him with his own tie.

“You hesitated.” He’s once again giving me that smile that makes me want to punch his teeth out. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“I hesitated because I wasn’t sure how you’d take that I’m in a relationship with another guy.”

He blinks and stares at me obviously choosing how best to handle this. I know that it doesn’t bother him because he’s almost the poster child for the gay rights movement, but he seems unsure how to handle it with me. “Why would it matter to me? If it’s what makes you happy what right do I have to say anything about it? You’re not hurting me any. I’d be a hypocrite if said anything because I’ve had my fair share of male partners.”

In all honesty, this guy is really hard to hate. If he hadn’t of touched Karkat, I’d have probably idolized him. He’s done a lot of great things, but it’s obvious that he’s done a lot of bat things as well. And I wonder how many other people has he done this too? Is Karkat the only one, just the first one, or just one in a long line of many? “That’s always nice to know. You asked me so it’s only fair you share as well.”

He chuckles. “My work schedule drives all my lovers away. The most I get now days are one night stands.” I probably would have killed him right there if the waitress hadn’t brought our food out. “So tell me about him.”

That throws me off. I’ve never been asked to describe Karkat before. I pause and actually thing about it and he doesn’t interrupt my thought processes, just lets me think. I lick my lips and take a breath brining up his image in mind. His fluffy white hair, his large (when not narrowed in annoyance or something else) red-brownish eyes, his soft features and roundish face, he’s beautiful.

“He’s so small, with a huge personality, and even though he looks fragile he’s anything but. He’s like a lion in the disguise of a kitten. You just want to protect him and at the same time you know that he can protect his self. He’s perfect and flawed. He’s just beyond the description of words.”

He smiles at me as if he’s just thinks that this is the sweetest thing he’s ever heard. It almost makes me want to gag. “You must really love him. It shows in your face. How long have you known him?”

“Since kindergarten. We were best friends for a long time and then somewhere along the way I just fell in love with him.” The waitress brings us our food. “People said we were perfect together and for a longest time I just didn’t believe them. Or maybe I just didn’t want to believe them, I don’t know.”

“Must have been hard.”

I stare at him and it dawns on me that it wasn’t. I just happened, and it was almost too easy. “No, not really. It was so easy.” He gives me a look that makes me feel nervous and maul over everything that I had said to him over our conversation.

“Maybe it was too easy?”

That stops me in my tracks. I hadn’t expected that. “I don’t know. We were messing around before we became anything permanent. I suppose it was an easy roll from one thing to the next. We had a couple of problems but it wasn’t anything that we couldn’t we though.”

“What kind of problems?”

I pause to think about it, not sure if I should actually tell him, but he makes me want to tell him. I hate it that I can’t just hate him. “We have two personalities and they’re very different so sometimes we clash.” I smile and take a bite of my sandwich. “He’s like a fire, burning everything in his path if need be and I’m more like water, but not entirely. I wouldn’t know how to describe it because he’s also like water, washing over you numbing your senses and taking your breath away.”

He just stares at me carefully choosing his words. “Well opposites attract, but he sounds amazing and it’s obvious that you love him.”

“I couldn’t even put that in words.” I smile softly and start actually eating ending my conversation for now. I’m angry with myself over how much I like him. This whole thing would be a lot easier if I hated him. It’s obvious how he got to where he was; he’s so easy to like. I want to take this knife and stab him in the face in the same way he stabbed my love in the heart. “So what kind of men do you go for?”

He smile widens and I feel sick, it’s lecherous and gives me the uneasy feeling that he’s thinking about Karkat. “I like beautiful men, one’s that know what they want from this world.” And my stomach drops because I know he’s really thinking about Karkat and every ounce of positive emotion I felt for this man falls away.

“So what did you actually call me for? Because I know it wasn’t to talk about my boyfriend.” I grin disarmingly at him.”

“You’re only in high school and have accomplished things that most people don’t ever accomplish what you have. I’ve seen some of your better programs floating around on internet form and I know what you’re capable of. I happen to work for one of the U,S, top programing companies and I want you to come work for me after you graduate. I of course will be sending you to college.”

I stare at him in shock. I figured something like this would happen, but I didn’t expect him to be so upfront about it. “I… I don’t know. That’s a lot to take in at the moment.”

He laughs, “I understand you just take the time to think about it and get back to me about it.” I nod and we got on with small talk like it’s nothing, but I just wanted to run. I sit there smiling and nodding, and of course eating.

Soon I leave him his offer weighing heavily in my mind. I’m not going to take but if he hadn’t don’t the thing he did then I might have, but he did so I’m going to ruin him and make him wish Slick had found him because at least Slick would just put a bullet in his brain.

I park outside the theater and get out of the car, I send him a text and walk up to the entrance and lean against the wall waiting. I stand there mindlessly playing a game on m phone waiting for him to come. I stay in that empty mindless state until I feel someone lean against the wall next to me. I turn and look down at him. “Hey kk, how’s it going?”

“I didn’t keep you waiting too long did I?” I put my arm around his shoulder and tug him closer to me. 

“Nope. And even if you did I didn’t notice.” I tilt my screen so he can see the flash of ‘High Score’ on the screen.

He grins up at me. “Well then maybe I should have stayed away so you could continue playing your game.” He’s teasing me but since this is the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time so I go along with it, stretching it out further.

I pout at him. “What? Do you not like me anymore? I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you, but you just don’t ever want to spend time with me.” He pouts now and I lean down and kiss his nose and he grins. “So how did your thing go earlier.”

“He offered me a job and to put me through college. I’m not going to take it though.” I push off the wall and make my way over to the box office.

He gives me a shocked look as he comes after me, “Why not? This could be your big change Sollux.”

I stop and turn and look down at him. “I didn’t earn it though.” His expression changes and now he understands why. He understands that reasoning. “I want to do something because I earn it not because someone is giving it to me.”

He sigh and stares off at the wall. “Yeah okay.”

“You still willing to see that horror movie with me?” I grin at him expecting him to say no and back away.

“Yes!” He makes a face at me that says: how dare I take him back on his word.

I buy our tickets, he buys our snacks and we make our way to the theater. We’ve never watched a scary movie together, I always figured it was because he would be scared, but honestly he looks more bored than anything else. There aren’t many people in the theater and they’re all sitting below us. About half way through the movie he drops to the floor without a sound and I give him a questioning look but he just ignores it. Next thing I know his tongue is moving up the underside of my dick.

Oh my god.


	10. All the Pain Fades With Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux flips and becomes a little more vicious. Then they hit the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another chapter to go. Maybe two. That's it. Then I'm done. I'm so happy, but then I have another advenutre to tackle.

We don’t actually have sex after that night but I often receive blowjobs and hand-jobs. He very rarely lets me return the favor, but it’s a start. And god his mouth is freaking magical or something because blowjobs had never felt like that before. It’s weird but his becomes the norm. Every couple of das he’ll drop to his knees, my cock will rise to the occasion, and he’ll blow me. Of course he’s a total asshole after words and kiss me with his mouth still full of semen. On more than one occasion I’ve spit it all over his face, just out of reflex.

He doesn’t really doesn’t appreciate it but neither do I so he’ll get over it.

In this new calm, this new revolution I find the renewed will to bring this man to his knees. Karkat’s finally getting to the point where he’s okay. He’s almost over it and when he actually is it won’t bug him ever again. But I’m going to stop this from happening to anybody else. That bastard is going to pay for this and any and everything he’s ever done. I’ll make sure of it.

I start my hacking by making sure my desktop is up to par. It falls only a little short, but nothing a couple updates won’t fix. Even in the highly unlikely event someone managed to track my desktop, they would absolutely never be able to trace it back to me. I’ve spent years developing programs and applications to make sure of that, but there’s always a possibility so I always have a back-up plan, but let’s hope it won’t come to that.

This is my baby, my pride and joy, but since I don’t really hack anymore I don’t use it very much. I don’t keep anything on this computer besides code documents and a few failed programs. No messaging systems, no games, no anything that would be deemed personal. That’s all on my laptop. It’s a shame that I don’t use this as much because she’s a thing of absolute beauty.

The company is almost too easy to hack. I get in with an automatic program without even being noticed, I even have time to go and get me some food. For such a high and prodigious programing company its way too easy to get in. Once my computer is part of their network then comes the harder part – hacking into his privet e-mail files. It takes hours and I actually have to sit there and manually hack, but once I do get into those files there are things that I read that would make him lose major face if anybody ever saw them. So I do what any good Samaritan would do in my position, I leak it anonymously to all the major local news stations. He isn’t even going to know what hit him. I’m really going to enjoy this.

I watch the news for the next few days and watch as he panics trying to figure out what exactly happened. How somebody managed to find out. He probably thinks that somebody on staff did it, but he can never be sure. He becomes strange and withdrawn from the public eye, but now that so much attention is on him he can’t so much as fart without the whole world knowing.

I’m enjoying it way too much; enjoyment this high should be illegal.

He starts looking for the leak in his system. He goes through every little inch of his network trying to find where all the information was coming from. He never noticed my intrusion so all his plugs are for nothing. I keep tabs on him, re-hacking into his e-mail and keep tabs on him. He mentions Karkat a few times, not b name but by the special code name he had given him. White dove. He was worried that this was somehow his doing, but he doesn’t even know who Karkat actually is. He has no name to put with his face, and he mentions that a couple of times.

I keep detailed notes on every detail of his life so that if there comes a time when I need them I have him.

I have another meeting with him in his office a couple weeks later, he asks me to go through his network, from his personal computer, and see if I can find an intrusion from the outside. I act like I was working on it for hours but really I started a small flow of money to a Swiss bank account, more money than I’d ever seen in my life time, but small enough that he wouldn’t notice. I had set it up so every three days the ten thousand dollars would be transferred to the account with his name on it and then after that it’d be transferred to seven different accounts all under alias and then to another set of accounts and then back to mine. When he comes in to talk to me I tell him I find nothing but tell him that somebody must have to do it from his own computer.

He thanks me for my times and hands me four hundred dollars and tells me to have fun. First I fill my gas tank and have my dad put three hundred into my trust fund and pocket what remains of the other hundred which my dad is oddly okay with. I of course spend it by the end of the night when I take them to dinner at a nicer restaurant. Karkat pouts that I didn’t invite him but I simply tell him that I was take my fathers to dinner and he’s okay with it.

He takes me to an even more expensive dinner and then blows me in the car after words. He actually lets me return the favor and I’ve never enjoyed giving head so much before. He squirms whimpers and moans my name like a virgin unable to hold on very long, and true to that thought after a couple of minutes he comes in my mouth and I actually swallow his seed down without thought.

\---

“Hey Karkat?” He looks up at me from over his book. I hesitate before my question comes out and his soft look turns into an impatient glare. “Do you even remember that night?”

He looks confused and then it dawns on him and his expression closes off holding off any emotions that might have come to the surface. “Not really, I just remember this overwhelming fear I don’t remember anything that happened, I just know that it happened.”

I don’t know what’s worse knowing something happened and not remembering it or actually remembering that it happened and not being able to forget it. “And how do you actually feel about that, kk? I’m sorry I would just leave it alone but I’m dying to know.”

He seems to understand, but I know it must hurt. “It’s just kind of weird you know? I’m angry and upset and it’s just to tiring. I just don’t let it bother me anymore because if I did I’d go crazy. It happened and I can’t do anything about it now even, nothing that can change it and since I can’t remember it happening I’m not going to let it bother me. Not anymore.”

I move quickly and pull him against my chest my arms around him tightly. “I’m sorry Karkat.” Tears run down my face. And in this moment he’s the one comforting me as I cry like a baby. I should be comforting him, not the other way around. This is so messed up and backwards. But I cry hard and he just lets me. I morn for him admire his strength more than ever. I can’t help myself, he’s so beautiful and strong and just everything I’m not.

I don’t enjoy Aaron’s downfall as much as I did before, watching him start to come apart at the seams. I should be having a party and celebrating, but all I can do is feel bad for my boyfriend. He’s taking it like a fucking trooper and he’s not letting it bother him. He still hasn’t notice that I’ve managed to obtain over a million dollars. I’m a millionaire and I’ve done nothing to really earn it.

It’s an amazing, yet sickening feeling to know that I could go anywhere and do anything, anything at all and I haven’t really done a thing to earn it. I like it though, I always have something to fall back on if I needed too.

I’m going through the odd motions of school, everything feels odd now, and nothing feels just okay. I need some time for me away from everyone and everything. I’m just too busy sucking it up for my boyfriend, my parents, everybody watching me that I feel like I’m going to lose it if I don’t. Half way through school I almost flipped my shit and my dad has to come get me from school. He lectures me and lectures me until Sam comes home and then the fight is on. I need to be on meds, Sam needs to stay out of it because it’s none of his business and that’s when I actually flip out.

“I have been taking my meds!” I slam my hands down on the dining room table startling them both. “They won’t stop every piece of negative emotion but I forget you want me to be an emotionless zombie because that’s what you are most of the time unless you’re angry or getting laid! I’m not you god damn it! And this is his god damn business because he’s the only one who seems to understand that I’m under a great deal of pressure and that you’re not fucking helping!” my tall dad shrinks down and looks very small. “And he has more right than my mother to say what happens to me since he’s the one who spends his time, effort, and money on me and yet if my mother says jump what do you do?”

He stares at me blankly and surprised, “You fucking jump! You don’t even ask how high you just keep jumping until she’s pleased. But whenever Sam even ask if you will jump you call him an asshole and tell him to shove it! He’s always so nice doing everything for you and yet you turn around and treat him like absolute shit. I’m tired of it myself so I know he is! Just stop and look at yourself before you start judging me or him or Karkat! Before you judge anybody!” I sit there shaking, tears run down my face and I can’t even look at him right now so I stare down at the table.

“Sollux,” Sam’s voice is soft and soothing on my frayed nerves. “Why don’t you go for a drive and calm down, just be home for dinner.” I nod and don’t think twice about it. I sit in the drive way until the tears stop and then head to the ocean.

I love spending time here, I strip to my boxers and sit at the water’s edge and let it lap up around my legs. This is my favorite place to unwind and let off a little steam. It’s easy to just imagine all my problems washing away with the tide and never coming back. We use to come here as kids, Karkat and I. He’d explore the little coves and things with Eridan and Aradia and I’d make sandcastles on the beach with Kanaya and we would eat watermelon and it would was amazing.

I really miss my childhood, but there’s nothing I can do about that anymore.

When I feel calm I finally make my way back home. There in the kitchen making dinner I check in and then head up to the shower when I’m done I head back downstairs and help them with dinner. The rest of the night goes by easily and dad seems a little more lively now. They probably had sex while I was gone but I don’t want to think about it though.

Dinner is really good, completely homemade spaghetti and garlic toast made from an Italian loaf. Sam is amazing cook and he’s taught a lot to my dad and me, but Karkat’s picked up the most. For a spoiled rich kid he sure picked up cooking rather easily. It shocked all of us. When he made dinner with Sam one night and it was one of the best meals I’ve had hands down the best food I’ve ever tasted.

I enjoy no mention of my break down earlier or he yelling at my father. Everything is fine and it’s still feels odd and everything is weird. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but things are just… I don’t know how to describe it. I don’t feel different but everything around me seems to be weird and strange and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I stare at the ceiling not thinking but unable to sleep until my room turns dark and then in a twist epiphany, I know what has to be done to make me feel better.

I push that thought aside for now to focus on the here and now. The world starts to feel more normal as I head down to get ice cream, nothing feels odd anymore. It’s not strange how my father is curled up, head on Sam’s lap, fast asleep in the middle of whatever movie their watching. It was like nothing had even changed when I check my e-mail, my facebook, and everything else.

And everything is even better when I get on my desktop and check his out-going mail to find that he’s totally tilted off the deep end. It fills me with utter joy, but he’s finally starting to notice his money depleting, but he’s just blaming his ex-wife. Tomorrow, since they’re not making me go to school, I start the next phase of my plan to completely take apart his company. I have every plan to buy it when it’s all said and done. Then I will be the CEO of a company without really even trying. That makes me feel really good though.

I barely sleep that night and am up pretty early that morning. I go down and make scrambled eggs bacon and toast. They’re both surprised to see me up that early and making breakfast of all things. We eat together.

“So what do you plan on doing today with your day off Sollux?”

“Maybe try writing some new programs? Relax and enjoy my time off from life.”

“Have anything in mind for your programs?” Sam asks eating his eggs.

“Maybe some anti-virus or a better music player. I don’t know. I may just lay around and stare at the ceiling.” He laughs and continues eating; my dad is quiet through the whole exchange. A small smile pulls up on his lips though; it’s almost weird seeing him this happy. Maybe they had sex all night, they do look tired, but I don’t know how I didn’t hear them. Sam isn’t a quiet person any more than Karkat is.

Maybe I did and it just was more like background noise than sex sounds.

I don’t want to know though. Knowing about your parents sex life is weird and makes me uncomfortable. Who wants to know about their parents sex life? I know I don’t. It’s just weird. I already know more about it than I really should and it’s a little disturbing.

Once they leave I load the dishwasher and go up to my room and begin to begin the phase. First I take out the detection system so they don’t notice my presence. That doesn’t take me very long then I find the data I need, the list of companies that they work for. Once I have that its very simple I hack into their databases and crash their systems all the while erasing any help Aaron’s company could ever provide.

Companies you can’t provide tech support lose business.

And his stock falls and his company starts losing money and of course I keep taking as well. His whole business is ruined and t only took me six hours. I yawn and start pulling away leaving no trace that I was ever there. I stand stretching and send Karkat a message that I was going to take a nap and then I’d be by to get him because we were going to the beach. He just sent me “I THINK I’LL TAKE ONE TOO.” And I crawl and bed with an alarm set .

I don’t dream, I go straight into rem sleep. I wake up an hour and a half later and text him to see if he’s awake and hit the shower because I smell like sweat and broken dreams. Not mine of course. I dress and head down stairs leaving a note on the fridge for them that I was going to the beach and would be back late.

I drive to his house he comes out dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a bag slung over his shoulder. “Hey kk.”

“You look happy Sollux.”

“I had a good day off of life. A lot of good things happened.” He gives me a weird look but I just smile at him. “How as school today?”

“I didn’t go. I didn’t see a point because you wouldn’t be there.” He gives me a small smile. “You’re one of the only good things about that hell hole.” We spend the ride to the beach in mostly silence, every once in a while he’d make a comment about something but otherwise he’d just stay quiet and we listened to music.

There are a lot of people at the beach when we get there, but it’s not over crowded. He changes and just strip down to my shorts and the two of us sit at the water’s edge like I did yesterday feeling the water lap at our legs. He leans against my side, resting his head on my shoulder as we watch the sun start to creep down over the horizon.

“Sollux?” I look down at him but he continues staring out across the water. “Where do you see yourself ten years from now?”

“Hmmm… Hopefully being a high up in some big programing company. Where do you want to be ten years from now?”

He tilts his head and looks up at me. “I don’t know. I’ve thought about it long and hard, I just don’t know… But I can only stall for so long. I need to figure it out before I wake up one day and realize that I’ve just let life pass me by.” He turns his gaze back to the water. “I just really don’t know what I want to spend the next four years after high school studying in depth and then to spend the rest of my life doing. I just don’t know…”

“That’s okay though. Not everybody can have it all figured out. And I only say that because there’s nothing else that I’m that good at. Making a living from hacking isn’t a glamorous life. Especially if you get caught.” I kiss the top of his head. “I’m sure that you’ll figure it out one day.”

He sighs. “Want to go get something to eat?”

I look down at him unsure. “Yeah. What do you want?”

“Fish and chips!” He grins up at me cheerfully.

“How did I know?” Summer is upon us, soon we’ll be on our last summer break and we’ll start our senior year. It’s weird to think, hard to wrap my mind around. I grin and help him up. “Come on then.” We say around the beach all night.


	11. And Then We're back To Where It Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're back where we started. But we don't learn what Sollux will do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more short chapter.

“Sollux.” The word doesn’t even reach me as my fingers move across the keys. I vaguely know he’s there but it doesn’t really register in my mind. “Sollux! Please.” I’ve lost it again and it’s funny because I’d been taking my meds, hadn’t been slacking or skipping. I’d been so happy, but now it’s all over. I succeeded so now I have nothing left to look forward to. Nothing. It’s crazy, I ruined a man’s life, a man who actually deserved it but he fell off the map and now I can’t find him in order to do my final task and I’m pissed about it.

No that’s a lie. I don’t have the energy to be pissed, I only have the energy to keep blocking out my bodily needs as my fingers keep moving over my key board desperately trying to find any trace of him, but it’s about like trying to find a needle in a pile of fake needles. I feel like if I give up on this it’ll have all been for naught. Everything I did would have been for nothing.

He’s crying now, sobbing. He’s genuinely upset and it starts to register in my mind. “Sollux… they’re going to send you away if you don’t snap out of this. Please. Please look at me. Do anything! Just show me that you haven’t completely shut off… I need you.” I blink a few times feeling dizzy as I’m pulled out of my trance.

“kk? What’s wrong?” My throat hurts from the strain of talking and my voice is rough around the edges and it’s almost enough to make me cringe. I turn in my chair and give him a look and he throws himself on me.

“Sollux… you complete and utter douchenozzle. I was so worried about you.” He sobs against my chest. I wrap my arms around him, but it hurts to move. “You’ve been sitting there for four days. We thought you were gone this time.” He looks up at me with large, tear-filled eyes. “They’ve done nothing but fight for the last two days over what they should do with you, but they finally came to the agreement that if you didn’t snap out of it tonight that they were going to have you committed. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I’m a wealthy man, it’s summer time, I have the best parents and the best boyfriend and I’m sitting here feeling sad for myself over not getting my way. It’s sick and almost enough to make me hate myself. Even though my muscles protest the idea of moving I make them. I lean down and kiss his forehead. “I’m here now.”

He punches me hard in the arm, glaring up at me. “You’re an asshole, you know that?” Then the most delicious smell I’ve ever smelt hits my nose and my stomach growls and he laughs. “Sam’s making your favorite for dinner.”

I groan at the thought of finally eating. “I should take a shower first.” My voice is starting to sound more normal now. He stands up and I stretch my arms over my head listening to my back pop all the way up. I groan again as I start loosening up my other muscles and putting my body back in its natural shape and pulling it out of this contorted shape that I’ve put it in for so long. Eventually I’m able to stand up with minimal pain. I’m handed clean clothes and I wobble on legs that are unused to holding my weight after so long. He moves around me helping and starting my shower and when the hot water hits my back I almost melt. It releases any remaining tension I might have had, but also reminds me of how hungry and tired I am.

I keep it short because I don’t want to collapse on Karkat and I know if I take too much longer I’m liable to fall asleep on my feet. I scrub every surface of myself that I’m able to ridding myself of this sickening depression that’s trying to cling to my skin. Before I even step out of the shower I already have a towel thrust at me. I dry and dress before making my wobbly way downstairs. At the bottom of the stair case I turn and kiss him. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

I can hear the distress in their voices as they carry from the kitchen, Karkat walks ahead of me and the voices stop as he enters. “Well…?” My dad’s voice is soft and I know he’s on the verge of breaking down. It makes me feel even worse for doing this to him.

He steps aside and I walk in after him. “I’m sorry.” There’s a clatter and arms are around me and I’m sandwiched between two bodies and it’s so nice. I’m a total asshole. I have everything I ever could need right here in this room and I was so close to losing it all.  
God, there are no words to describe how shitty I feel. “I think something’s burning…”

“Shit!” Dinner was almost ruined, but between Sam and Karkat they managed to save it. After dinner we started a board game which I fell asleep in the middle of, I wake up sometime the next day with Karkat tucked under my chin, his breath slow and even, his face soft and vulnerable.

Even though I feel like there’s still more I should have done everything’s going good, and I don’t want to ruin it on some crazed twisted need for revenge that isn’t even really mine to have. I untangle myself from him managing not to wake him up. I head to the bathroom and piss before washing my hands and then face. I’m thin looking and pale. It looks like all the food in the world wouldn’t put weight on me. I sigh because one day without eating and I lose a bunch of weight so four was almost dangerous.

I check to see if he’s still asleep before heading down stairs. I warm up some left over rice up with milk and butter and when I take it out of the microwave I add sugar and then down the bowl. I have to make myself two more before my stomach is satisfied enough to stop the pains. I down a couple of glasses of water to fill it up further.

“Sollux?” He pads sleepily down the stairs rubbing his eyes. “How long have you been up?”

“Long enough to eat three bowls of rice. I was going to come lay back down because I’m still really tired. You looked so cute I couldn’t bare to be away from you for so long.” I grin at him teasingly.

He blushes and looks away. “Well… I actually have to go home. My dad has to speak to me, but I’ll try and be back later.”

I’m slightly disappointed but he has a life too. I yawn and make my way over to him. “Be safe on the way home.” I kiss him softly. “And thank you.”

“What for?”

“For always being my rock even when I’m the one who should be strong for you. You amaze me.”

He blinks and stares up at me before smiling. “I want to be strong for you because it’s the thing that I’m good at.” He kisses me again. “Get some more rest and maybe go out and lay in the sun for a while. I’m not even sure if your Asian anymore.”

I laugh and kiss his forehead. “I’ll think about it.”

“No you won’t. Just please stay away from your computer for a while, okay?” I agree and walk him to the door. I let him out and lock the door behind him before grabbing a spare blanket and pillow from the hall closet and curling up on the couch. I turn on my favorite movie but I’m asleep before I even make it past the opening sequence. God I love summer so much and this summer I’m not even going to bother with trying to find a job.

\---

My life is going around in the same boring circle, day in and day out. I don’t really mind it though. I find comforting. I don’t know what to do with myself most of the time. I sleep and lay around more than I use to, spend a lot of time playing games and at the beach. But since I do these things I’m forced to see my therapist more often. I don’t mind though, I like her.

We talk about random things I avoid talking about why I almost shut down but after a few sessions she finally pushes it. “So Sollux, can you tell me what caused you to break down?”

I shift in my chair, not sure if I want to actually talk about it, especially with her. “I don’t want to talk about it. It was just a just a momentary lapse in judgment.”

“Sollux. I don’t believe you. Tell me what really happened.”

“I had this whole giant plot to ruin the man who raped my boyfriend, take all his money, buy his company and then kill him.” I say with a totally straight face know that she won’t believe me. “After I stole seven point five million dollars from him, ruined his reputation and took over his company he fell off the map and I couldn’t find him so I was throwing a tantrum and going all out to find him.”

She burst out laughing, unbelieving not knowing it was the truth. “God Sollux, you’re such a practical joker.” I want to tell her that I’m not joking but that would earn me a nice stay in the psyche ward that is probably long over-due. She wipes tears from her eyes. “Now will you tell me the truth?”

“I was writing a new code for a major anti-virus and I messed up to the point where it was unsalvageable so I threw a fit like a little bitch.” I sigh and shift in my chair again. “Look, that’s all there is to it. It’s not something that happens all the time so I don’t know why everybody’s so worried. I’m not upset anymore and really coming to you all the time like this is a waste of everybody’s time and my dad’s money.”

She looks a little offended by my words but she just sighs, “You’re right since you’re not willing to tell me why you went into your break down.”

“I did, but it’s not my fault that you don’t believe me. I just flipped my shit over a failed program. I thought it’d be the thing that made my name known, an antivirus that’s light weight but also one that functions better than anything that’s already out. I got angry and tried to fix it ad got carried away. That’s all there is to it.”

“Are you being serious?”

“I’m a very simple person regardless of what you think. I get angry just like everybody else.”

“Okay well your dad wanted me to ask you why you didn’t get a job this summer.”

“Because I’d rather be broke and able to spend time with Karkat, than work all the time so I don’t even have time to actually spend the money I do earn. I’m only going to be young for so long and this is the last summer I have before I’m thrust into the real world.”

“Very logical. So I’ll talk to your dad about making our appointments once a month instead of twice a week but you’ve got to go out and do thing with your free time, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So Sollux, tell me what you want to do with your life…” The rest of or session goes like this, this is what I like, small talk where I’m not judged for the outlandish way that I think. I know I’m not normal, but I get tired of being treated like I’m some kind of freak. She understands because it’s her job to understand. Outside of this room, I only know two other people who understand me; Sam and Karkat. Although sometimes I wonder about the later.

When I finally get home I find him curled up in my bed. He’s sound asleep and it makes me wonder how long he’s been here. Sam didn’t tell me he was here so it could have even been before he got home from work. Or maybe it just slipped his mind since he was cooking when dad brought me home. He looks so sweet and soft that I just didn’t have the heart to wake him so I just crawl in bed with him. 

He squirms around and curls against me once I’ve settled and I drift off into a light sleep. I’m aware of everything going on around me, yet I can’t move or react, like when my dad comes in later – most likely to tell me that dinner’s done – I hear him open the door sigh and turn around an leave yet I can’t tell him that we’ll be down in a couple minutes. God I hate those kind of sleeps because you always end up waking up more tired than when you went to sleep. But it’s nice because I can’t feel the press of his lips against my skin and the whisper of his breath as he tries to wake me up.

\---

A week later I’m surprised when he walks into my house like he owns it and curls up his face in my lap and doesn’t move. I don’t understand why he does this, and he doesn’t ever tell me with straight forward answers. From what I’ve come to understand he does this when something completely and total overwhelms him. He’s been doing it since we were kids but honestly it’s no less weird now that it was the first time he did it.

“Hey Karkat, can we just skip to the part where you just tell me what’s wrong this time? Not that I don’t appreciate your face in my crotch I just don’t appreciate it in this context.” I run my hands through his hair. “Or maybe at least turn around? It’s going to get really awkward if I just pop a boner in the middle of this.”

He grudgingly sits up but doesn’t speak; he stares at me with this look that I just can’t read. I sigh and pause my show and turn and give him my full attention. “What is it?”

“I’m adopted.”

Oh.

I don’t know if I’m surprised or not. I can’t really grasp what I’m feeling. It’s an odd thing really and now I see why he was here. “Well if it makes you feel better go ahead.” I gesture down at my crotch and he practically face plants into it. That’s how my dad finds us several hours later. He give Karkat’s back a weird look and I mouth that I’ll tell him later and he walks on. He’s use to his unusual corks, though I’m not sure if this actually falls under that. He’s still lying there like that when Sam comes home and after he finishes cooking dinner.

“Are you going to join us for dinner Karkat?” He shakes his head, “Well will you at least let Sollux get up?” He replaces my lap with a pillow. While I eat and ask my parents about their day, they know better than to talk about Karkat when he’s in the other room. The boy has ears like a hawk.

After I’m done eating I hurry through the dishes and then head back to the couch where he replaces the pillow with my lap again only this time he’s staring up at me with this hunting look. After my dad’s go to bed he finally talks again, he runs his tongue over his lips before he starts. “I always had a feeling that I was, but I never really believed it. And not that this makes them any less my parents, because they raised me and paid for everything I was in and wanted, I just feel lied to. They could have told me and not just left me to find out on my own.”

“How did you even find out?” He looks so hurt and distraught that I’m not sure what to do.

“I was looking through my dad’s desk for the keys to the Corvette because we were going to go for a family picnic on moms order and my birth certificate was in one of the drawers. I asked them about it and my mom tried to deny that it was true, but it just lead to a huge fight and I left not wanting to deal with it right then.”

I stare at him unsure how to continue. I don’t want to cause more problems if he’s feeling testy today I don’t want to make him worse. It took me a couple of moments but then I finally decide on “Did it tell who your real parents were?” I almost sigh in relief when this doesn’t set him off.

He seems to wilt and he seemingly shrinks in size. “Only my mom, I did a little digging on her only to find out that she died giving birth to me.” Tears formed in his eyes, “She had every intention to keep me at first, but she died bringing me into this world.” He feels such a deep connection to this woman he’s never even met, I can see it in his eyes.

“Well were you able to find out who your father was?” I wipe away some of his tears.

“No, she never told anybody. So I’ll probably never find out.” More tears spill over.

“Any relatives you can ask?”

“No. They only family she had left was distant cousins so I doubt they’d know anything.” I wrap my arms around him and hold him close. “It doesn’t change the fact that they are my parents--”

“It’s okay, Karkat, I understand what you mean.” I hold him close, running my hands through his hair. “Let’s go upstairs. You look exhausted.”

He stares up at me before smiling, “I am, emotionally and physically.” He nuzzles against my chest. Sometimes he does these cut things and I realize what attracted me to him in the first place. Under his outer gruffness he’s so soft and sweet, and all mine. Now I sound like a creepy old man.

We head upstairs and settle into my bed. “You should at least text your mom and tell her you’re here.”

“Why?”

“Because whether you’re upset or not you left and have been gone all day without telling her where you are or if you’re okay. You’re not exactly known to make rash decisions when you’re upset.” He pouts up at me and kiss his forehead. “It’s true and you know it.”

“Okay,” he reaches out and grabs his phone from my bedside table he sends a message that I can’t read and then he curls back up next to me. “So summers almost over, you want to do something this weekend?”

I look down at him and kiss his forehead. “Yeah. Let’s do something, but not just this weekend. Every day this week.” He smiles and I know he thinks that it’s romantic.

“What should we do tomorrow?”

“Hit the old arcade by the beach!”

“Really? That place is so grungy.”

“But they have the best pizza.”

“Okay that’s fine.” We talk until we fade into sleep. We have such an odd relationship is the last thing that passes through my mind.

I have a weird dream that night. I’m chasing Karkat down an alleyway and he’s laughing and sprinting ahead in front of me, and I just can’t keep up. It’s dark out, probably well into the night, the only light came from the over-head lights placed every few feet. Everything was grungy and dark and it didn’t match the way he was laughing at all, his laughter sounded more like I should be chasing him through a field of flowers instead. Every once in a while he’d throw “You’ll never catch me, Sollux,” or “Try and keep up Captor,” over his shoulder. And I know he’s right, he’s slowly slipping away from me.

He rounds a sudden corner and his laughter cuts off abruptly and panic fills me. I round the corner and there’s Aaron standing over him.

I wake up quickly, shocked awake. I sit straight up and this startles Karkat awake as well. “Sollux, what the actual fuck?” I stare down at my lap panting tears slipping from my eyes. “Sollux what’s wrong?”

“Just…” I choke out, “a bad dream. I’ll be okay.”

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t really remember… You can go back to sleep I’m going to go get some water and I’ll be right back.”

He gives me a disbelieving look but lies back down. “Okay, Sollux. But remember I’m here if you need me.” I nod and get up. God it’s going to be a long night. Luckily though when I go back to bed I fall right asleep and don’t wake back up, and no more nightmares.

\---

I honestly can’t believe my luck. It’s raining so arcade was a good choice for today, it’s practically empty, most kids choosing to stay home and game instead. We play eat pizza and then I see HIM out of the corner of my eye. I spent so long searching for him on the internet that I’m so shocked that he hadn’t killed himself.

I slip away from Karkat and follow him down an alleyway, we end up in a little open space where several alley’s meet up. He turns and looks at me with pure hate pouring off his very being. “I knew it had to be you when we could find no trace of anything, but when you came to check my systems you looked so sincerely helpful that I didn’t think you could have done it. So what have you done with all that money so far?”

“Bought your company so that all those people wouldn’t lose their jobs, but the money I spent on that has already been replaced besides that nothing.”

“What about that fancy car I saw you driving?” He wants to inflict pain on me, I can see it in his eyes.

“My boyfriend gave it to me for my birthday last year. This year I’m going to give him something he deserves instead of letting him get me something, I’m going to give him something. I mean he has been through a lot these last seven months.”

He lets out a single un-amused laugh. “What were you getting him?”

“Finding his birth father for starters, but that’s just a one thing on a very long list.”

“So why did you do all this?”

I laugh now, manically and I can tell that it frightens him. Good. “I never told you what he actually looked like. White hair, white skin, large red-brown eyes, always looks angry. You probably got a good look at him when you raped him.”

His anger fades away and he’s standing there looking very scared. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“I’m pretty sure you do. I know for a fact that you did it, actually. It didn’t take me long to break your little code in your emails.” I pull out the gun from the bag that I carry. He takes a couple steps back. “You’re actually lucky I found you first,” I start advancing on him and the panic is very obvious in his eyes, “If his dad had gotten a hold of you be wishing he’d just killed you.”

He turns to run and without a second thought I shot him. He hits the ground hard and doesn’t move. It starts raining harder as I walk closer to him and when I realized that I actually killed him with one shot I’m so surprised.

“Sollux…?”

And now we’re all caught up to my current situation. Watching him run away from me hurts so much but I know I brought this on myself. Now I’m going to pay from making everything better… Whether it was for me or Karkat, I can’t tell any more, but I know I’m fucked whatever I decide to do from this point on.


	12. And here we are at the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux wraps a few things up in the worst possible way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've rewrote this chapter like five times but I'm so done with it. Time to move on. Thank you to everybody who actually took the time to read this p.o.s. I really appreciate it. And an extra special thanks to my girlfriend who inspired this whole story with a few simple words.

As I sit there on the cold wet pavement staring down at the mess in front of me I hear hurried footsteps. I don’t’ even feel the fear of being caught I just feel empty.

“Sollux.” I look up and see Slick standing there with a couple of other men. I’ve been saved. “Are you certain that this is the right guy? You didn’t shoot an innocent guy did you?”

“I’m certain sir, I’ve never been more certain of anything.” 

He sighs, “You go get cleaned up, and we’ll take care of the body.”

I nod and numbly get up and start to walk away. “Wait how did you know where to find me?”

“Karkat’s been keeping tabs on you because you’ve been acting strangely kid. Everybody but you saw it. He called me, luckily I was in the area looking for this douche as well; you just happened to get to him first. Nice touch in ruining his life though, wish you’d let me torture him.”

I can’t help but smile even though it hurts. “Now run along kid, lover boy is waiting for you…”

The rain has cleaned away most of the blood, but the smell of death still clings to me. That doesn’t stop him from throwing himself on me. He drags me into his dad’s limo and with-in a couple of minutes I’m clinging to him sobbing like a child. I just killed a man, and it was so easy. How was something that awful so easy?

Now I more understand Karkat’s delima…

Even though he may have deserved it, what right did I have? None. I didn’t have any. It’s done now, there’s nothing to do about it now. So I cry and cry and cry some more because I’d become so morbid lately and I don’t even know why.

“Thank you Sollux…”

I pull back slightly and he reaches up and wipes tears away. “W-what fo-for?

“You just killed a man for me, I think that’s the most highest form of love, if not a bit morbid.” He kisses my eye lids. “You don’t even understand what this means to me, though honestly I’m a little creeped out. Please don’t kill anybody again.”

I laugh until I cry again, but after that day everything is back where it started before this all happened. Everything is so perfect and I follow his example and don’t let the thought of him bother me anymore. He finally lets me touch him that night, and a couple of months later we’re having sex again.

School starts up and then ends. He goes off to Boston to study, I stay here in California. He’s majoring in English and Ancient religions (who would have ever thought?) I take all kinds of classes, not just focusing on programing because that’s what I do at work. I found out I also have knack for digital art (but if you try and get me to draw on paper it turns out a mess.) And even though I miss him terribly, everything is going good. Not perfect, nothing’s perfect I mean he’s still Karkat and I’m still Sollux and we still clash non-stop but I love that little shit and wouldn’t trade this for the world.

But there was also trying to explain to my father who I became a multi-millionaire (almost to my first billion now) and how I became the CEO of the top programing company (I’ve also branched it out into technology research). That was hard, but he found out when I told him I wanted to buy him a nice house.

Well let’s just say I’m grounded at eighteen years old.


End file.
